elionwyr | Recent Entries

Self-perception is an odd thing.

I'm not vain. I don't spend nearly as much time as I really probably should worrying about my appearance. I don't generally wear make-up. I frequently leave the house with my hair unbrushed. I think I've had exactly one manicure ever. I don't really get people's love of fashion labels - I'd rather brag about my $10 boots from Sears than consider spending hundreds of dollars on designer heels that hurt my feet and match one, maybe two outfits; I'd rather use a fair trade bag than a Coach purse.

I appreciate the pretty. It's just not my everyday focus. I don't see pretty in the mirror, and so in general I avoid my reflection and let other people be my mirrors.

But oh, I am dating a man that takes my breath away.

This past weekend, I was waiting for him at one of his relatives' homes, and when he walked into the room, just for a moment, no one else was there.

It happens a lot.

And I realize that he doesn't really see it. Oh, he doesn't avoid mirrors, but in his heart of hearts, I don't think he sees the person I see...which is, of course, only partially about his appearance.

He texted me tonight that he made a stranger stutter upon her seeing him.

I've no problem believing this. I'm surprised it doesn't happen to me on a regular basis.

It's common, too common, to talk about, to blog critical things about our partners, to complain about the day to day bits of gr, to focus on the slobby bits of life rather than the dazzling smile, the quiet consideration, the hundreds of nonverbal ways your partner speaks of and demonstrates Love.

And there are times, like tonight, that I realize how much he doesn't see what I see.

The other night, he read to me a bit from Anne Wheaton's twitter account, and I thought about how Wil describes his wife...and my insecurity came raging up from the back of my brain.

I looked at him shyly. "I'm sorry I'm more your broken-Jenny than your hot-Anne."

He smiled, leaned forward, kissed me gently. "You're perfect."

Tonight, I'm looking at what his insecurity texted to me, and I am frustrated by the distance that doesn't allow me to do the same. Because words can be dismissed. It is the gentle stroking of a face, the kissing love across his lips, the ability to look into his eyes to make sure that phantom-sadness has skittered away, that matters more than words, than this blog.

And of course beauty is the sum total - it's not just that gorgeous face. It's him baking a quiche so we'd have breakfast. It's him making coffee while I'm still waking up. It's the remembering of stories, and the consideration of bringing my suitcase up the stairs before I can think to look for it. It's laughing in bed, and the awareness of how hard it is for me to stay warm, and it's the countless actions and words and moments that make him so beautiful to my eyes.

I can't wait for the day when I can tell him, every day, in person, that he's perfect.

wedding

So there's this thing I see floating around my Facebook feed today that declares if you're a pet owner, you're a parent - yay, happy Mother's Day to you!

I guess that's a natural progression from the common thought that your pets are your fur-children. But here's my guilty confession:

I don't see my pets as being my kids.

I have loved all of them..even the eternally ungrateful Tokay gecko, Duck. I have cared for them, I have felt responsible for them, I have striven to take care of them to the very best of my ability. I've joked about trying to get food stamps because I've been a single mom raising Lurk all on my own..and hell, I was poor enough a few years back that if I could have claimed him to be my son? I just may have leaped down that particular rabbit hole.

But the truth is, Lurk is not my child.

I had a stepdaughter.
I've been pregnant.

Neither of those things gave me a permanent membership card in the Mother's Day club. And mostly? Mostly, I'm ok with that.

I'm not saying I'm mad at anyone that has said, "You have a pet so you're a mom." I get the sentiment.

I'm saying that, for me, having a pet isn't even in the sane ballpark as having a human child in my life.

I will never look at Lurk and think, oh god, if I say the wrong thing I can scar him emotionally for life. I am careful around him because he has always been more feral than not; but I don't apply the lessons of my childhood to his every day.

And it's true - I have huge powerful (and sometimes loud) opinions on pet care and pet ownership, as well as on what one should and shouldn't do to a child, and some of those opinions are similar - they should both be happy/loved/safe/wanted.

But I'm also pretty damned likely to walk past a baby and pick up a puppy. I'm not sure that's an instinct that would ever make me a candidate for Mother of the Year. It's also not gonna change at this stage of my life. And it doesn't make me a mom. The things that have? Those are things that, by and large, don't 'count.' I've had enough time to get used to that. I don't need a pitying look and a token 'happy Mother's Day' from anyone at this point.

And I think that's what my point is here. To wish me Hallmark Holiday Wishes because I have a cat feels unnecessary to me. If you want to say it because I still love Arielle..I appreciate that. If you want to say it because I tend to mother those around me..well, that hasn't happened for probably over 2 decades, but again, that would be nice.

Or read Jenny's post about the Hallmark Holiday for a bit more insight into my muddled thoughts:
http://thebloggess.com/2013/05/happy-whatever/

Lurk is many things - my sanity, at times, my comfort, my grounding. He's not my child. And I'm really ok about that.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

I finally got up the nerve to go to a dentist.

It's been maybe 9 years..I honestly can't recall. It was before I lost my job at IMS; I thought I had a cavity, but it ended up being an earache.

The problem, obviously, is that I don't really know what a cavity feels like. I've had one bad one, in a wisdom tooth, that I suspect would have been a root canal had they not just pulled the tooth. Other than that? I've had some small cavities worked on, but nothing major. And I'm lucky in that my dentist in Philly decided to not use metal fillings because I'd never had any up to that point. (I was in my 30s.)

But I've had discomfort on the right side of my mouth, and felt like a tooth had actually moved. I've been terrified to find out what was going on, and especially terrified that I'd get bad news about my gums, which have always been not so good. My teeth? Apparently made of steel. My gums? Not so great. I blame Florida.

And I'm self conscious about my teeth. One is chipped because of an ill placed slap by my stepmother. (Which is weird..a slap with a ring broke my tooth, but getting smacked in the mouth with a crank on a truck last autumn did nothing..) I've an overbite because the people that raised me didn't think braces were necessary. (Obviously, I disagree.) I should really have cosmetic work done to my teeth, to get past my issues with them.

But first steps first..I had to go to the dentist. I went largely because Bones has been encouraging me to go for over a year. My terror wasn't making much sense to him. It wasn't logical, and I wasn't telling him how friggin' scares I was that I might have Something Bad going on with a molar or two.

So I went, and I asked them to treat me like a 12 year old. The hygienist indulged me. :) She praised my x-ray; she coddled me through my cleaning (which was terrifying..24 hours later, I still feel like someone is scraping metal against my teeth); she gave me cotton to bite on so I'd stop jumping and referred to it as my 'blankie'; and gave me a spiffy sticker before I left.

She also wasn't going to push me to get all my teeth cleaned, but I was determined. (Ow..)

And..no cavities. NONE. We're assuming my pain was sinus related. (Yay?) I had her double check, and I asked the dentist to check both the X-ray and to take a look. Nada.

Made of steel, I swear..

Still. After quite a battery of exams and tests over the past five months, I'm pretty danged healthy! Yay!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

For a very long time, I read Runes. This taught my brain to look for patterns in things, and this week I've run into a lot of frustration that had, at each aggravating heart, a common theme:

I don't have a problem with such-and-such, so I don't see why you do.

In one instance, this sentiment was expressed by saying, "We do the same work as that group does but we don't have to document what we do because we rarely ever have to do anything involved enough to need documenting. If we do, we expect to be told each time how to do it."

In another example, the issue came up as, "I don't see the world as being dangerous to me and I'm angry that there's a discussion going on about how some people don't feel safe."

(..I am of course paraphrasing like OMGWHOA.)

Here's the deal:

My vision of the world - my experience of it - is not yours. It might be similar. But it's not the same. There are studies that show no two people see colours the exact same way. We've probably all heard that there are huge issues with eye witness testimonies not matching what has actually happened. So it shouldn't be a surprise to hear that hey, guess what? My world vision is different from yours.

So in general, saying. "Wow, I haven't had that experience, so yours is invalid," isn't a good idea...unless you're courting the Dramamonster. Or you're wanting to pick a fight.

(This point gets jumbled when the issue in question is an issue of someone's reputation. I've been in that muck in varied ways - I think most people have - and in that case, speak your Truth. State what your experience had been. And if the basis for the discussion is Truth, there need not be Drama.)

(Or maybe that's just my naive world-experience talking..) :)

Anyway. My point is that if someone is talking about something frustrating or scary or painful, listen to what's being said. Don't dismiss it. There are difficult aspects of this amazing world we've all co-created, and just because you've never seen that particular bit of ew, it's not a good idea to dismiss it.

Happens all the time, of course. There was no Holocaust. Racism doesn't exist. Women are wrong to walk through their lives being afraid of men. Saying, "Nope, haven't seen it, isn't real, shut up!" doesn't fix anything. It doesn't make the ew go away. And it doesn't create a world where someone will believe you should that become a necessity in your life.

From the smallest denial to the largest, every time someone says, "Nope, I don't see it so its not real," our world is diminished. Just a little.

So listen. And talk. And listen some more. If every one of us does that, there need be no drama.

Now go be awesome to each other. <3

----------
I'm posting from my phone, so I don't have access to my usual disclaimer. But! DFT is the brain child of popfiend; all ideas posted above are my thinky thoughts; YMMV should always be applied to my DFT posts; and discussion is great, so let's have a party in the comments! :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: US, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Allegheny, Marshall Ave, 411

So I was talking to my therapist last week...

...That sounds weird to me, although it's true..and apparently after six sessions I will be magically cured of all my anxiety, according to my health care provider's website, so I can only use that sort of lead-in for a few more weeks.

Anyway.

I was talking to my therapist about blogging and privacy, and he asked me, "So why do you blog?"

"Because I have been doing it for over 12 years and it connects me to a community and to friends across the world."

We were discussing privacy, as I've said, and his point was that if I have a concern regarding my internet privacy, why then am I inviting e-stalking by keeping a blog?

It's not a bad question.

Truth is, I used to be very very public. Returning to a more public platform has not been without its share of stress. And as I've been thinking about that, I started considering the ways we blog.

Back in...2005, I think, I moderated a panel discussion at a con about blogging. It was the first time this particular con had addressed the phenomenon known as blogging, and one of the points I made was one I've brought up during subsequent discussions.

It sorta goes like this:

* Yay! I have a blog! I can say whatever I want!
* Yay! My friend Sam found my blog!
* Oops. My friend Penelope found my blog, too, and I talked some trash about her last night.
* I'd better go friends-only.
* Oops. Sam shared my posts with Penelope. Screw you guys, I'm deleting my blog.
* HI! I'm back! Did you miss me?
* (Pssst..I created a new blog so people like Penelope and Sam can't read my posts.)

There is a growth pattern to blogging. Most of us start off a little unsure of ourselves, not entirely sure anyone's listening. Which is kinda cool, because it gives you the freedom to say whatever you dang well want. And we do that. And right about there is when the Dramamonster makes his appearance.

I think the best of us are out there writing about our lives and our loved ones. Those are certainly the blogs that attract my attention..the ones that share detail about day to day life. But how do you do that in a way that's respectful of your loved ones?

Well, you can go friends-only/non-public.

You can use aliases, for yourself as well as for others. You can blog anonymously.

You can opt to not talk about the bad stuff.

There's no 'wrong' way to do it. Probably. I mean, I've had friends that chose to blog snarkily/mean-spiritedly about their loved ones, and they have an audience, but..I'm not in that audience. Because just as I'm the sort of person that's likely to burst into tears if people I know love each other are fighting, I'm also not going to enjoy being witness to a relationship that shows a lack of respect for the parties involved.

What I think is more better is to write each blog post with the awareness that you have an audience extending beyond the person you think is reading.

It could be your employer.

It could be your child's friend, taking mental 'I can pick on Penelope about THAT!' notes.

It's probably your lover..and if you wouldn't say something in her/his presence, you really shoudn't be saying it online. Which is, I think, common sense, and is a hella good guideline to follow for any blog you share publically. If you really pay attention, the best bloggers out there are very good about not taking their domestic AUGH!!! out onto their blog and offering them up for public consumption. (I offer as evidence Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C.)

My guideline? People in my life know I have a blog. That means I may blog about them. But I try, very hard, to never say anything that's too private. I don't want anyone in my life to punch up my blog, read something, and think oh hell, she's talking about ME. I'll even go one step further and not use real names so that a random internet search on Penelope's given name won't pull up my blog post about her wild night of drunken debauchery.

When I blog, I'm always thinking about my privacy.

And I'm thinking about the privacy of anyone else I'm discussing, too.

The goal is to keep it drama-free.

Now go be excellent to each other.

______________________________________________

"Drama Free Thursday is the brainchild of

popfiend - visit here for all of his yeah-you-should-read-'em posts.

The goal of DRAMA FREE THURSDAY is pretty simple: These are posts that offer a different approach to stressful situations. Drama happens when we react without thinking, when we respond emotionally to a situation.

So! The first rule of DFT is - say it with me - "Your Mileage May Vary." What works for me may not work for you. And that's ok.

Second rule of DFT: YMMV. :)

Third rule of DFT: Discussion good. Drama? Not so good. Let's try to avoid it in the comments. Tell me you don't agree, tell me what the world looks like from your perspective, because I can guarantee you're gonna have something to say that I hadn't considered. This blogger's soapbox is only an inch or so high...so please, share your thoughts and perspectives on whatever is posted here. (That rule goes for my LJ in general, of course, but it makes sense to repeat it here.)

<3

"Not praying for redemption
Not praying for hope
Not praying for a stronghold at the end of my rope
Not praying for salvation
Damned if I do
Not praying for redemption
Just a path that leads to you"

-Bekah Kelso, "Crossroads"

...can't easily post a link, but go ye to http://www.bekahkelso.com and you'll find it there..

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

• Snow is a food group.

• It's perfectly appropriate to dance when you're reunited with your loved ones.

• Belly rubs are awesome.

• Stop to smell EVERYTHING.

• There is always time to visit with the neighbors and catch up on their news.

• Beds are meant for sharing.

• Bacon is awesome.

• Ignore expectations about who you should and shouldn't like. Cats can be a dog's best friend.

• Never turn away the opportunity to go swimming.

• If you ask nicely, treats will appear.

• It's important to be with your pack...no matter how hard it might be to get to them.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Between anxiety and insomnia, I can't brain this week. Alas.

But! Go be awesome to your Selves, and to each other.

<3

..And I'm gonna share this fundraiser because it's relevant to my interests (and, hopefully, to yours) and I'm really hoping she hits her goal..

My name is Dese'Rae L. Stage. I'm a photographer based in Brooklyn. I'm a suicide attempt survivor.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US, and that number is on the rise. Suicide is a side-effect of mental illness. Mental illness is so thoroughly stigmatized in this country that many of us who live with it also live with an impenetrable sense of shame over it, which leads to a fear of talking about it openly. Many of those who don't live with it live in fear of it, and that leads down a similar path.

I'm convinced that it's possible to curb the loss of life to suicide, and I think the easiest way to start doing that is for all of us (not just the specialists) to learn to talk about it instead of being fearful of it. Enter Live Through This.

You can learn more about her project, Live Through This, here:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/deseraestage/live-through-this-life-on-the-other-side-of-suicid

* http://www.upworthy.com/bullies-called-him-pork-chop-he-took-that-pain-with-him-and-then-cooked-it-into?c=ufb1

..Bullying doesn't stop with childhood.
A lot of the crap described in this has been directed at me for years now by parties that really need to find a better hobby. And just like when you're a child and you're bullied? Ignoring it doesn't make it stop.

* http://i.imgur.com/hjGHtZz.jpg

...I had an "A-HA!" moment after reading this.

If you are not willing to stand up and say, "This is wrong," when confronted with something that's wrong..I'm not sure I can relate to you. At all. Because to varying degrees, I've been doing that my whole life.

Why aren't you?

* A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

..When someone wonders why something that shouldn't bother me does, or why it causes a strong reaction, I may just direct them at this story.

Me: *spots Lurk dozing on my bed* Hi kitty!

Lurk: *PURR PURR PURR*

Me: *cuddles the kitty* Hey..what's that between your toes?

Lurk: *PURR PU - uh oh*

Me: IS THAT CAT LITTER?!? DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE CAT LITTER CLENCHED BETWEEN YOUR TOES?!?

Lurk: ...

And then I try to clean his feet and he gets mad and stalks off and I manage to mostly thwart his attempt to get grit into the bed.

Mostly.

I have no idea how he can carry that much litter halfway through the house and up two flights of stairs. That there is some crazy talent.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

A bunch of Once Upon a Times ago, people decided to give lovemaking a holiday.

It started out as Lupercalia...was rescheduled by the Catholic church and renamed for a sainted priest that married folks without the church's permission and had a secret love of his own..depending on which St Valentine you're reading about, of course, as there may have been several.

And then Hallmark came along and claimed V-Day as their own. Sell cards! Give people another candy-centric holiday! Make single people feel bad about not having a sweetie! Put pressure on couples to spend money to prove their undying love for each other! STRESS! DRAMA! AAAAAAAAAUGH!

Put down the panic button, folks.

Take a deep breath.

Now, believe you me, I've spent most of my VDays avoiding TV and radio nearly as much as I do at Christmastime. Saddest One Ever was the VDay in junior high...we had some sort of school fundraiser thingala that involved the sending of carnations to classmates, and for a tiny bit of money, you could find out who had sent it to you. I received a flower, and I was so sure it was done as a joke that I didn't want to find out who had given it to me.

With absolutely no data, I had built DRAMA around that modest little carnation.

...And that sad memory stays with me still.

Valentine's Day is the only day dedicated to the grand ideal of romantic love. People see it as the property of Hallmark, and they build up resentment and expectations around what they think the holiday represents.

But - as with so many things - the day is what you make of it.

I confess I prefer to celebrate VDay with my sweetheart, and we had our celebration in the dear saint's name without much concern for the date on the calendar. I still tried to spoil my guy on the actual date..and I've been spreading the heart-themed joy with my coworkers and my housemate and I guarantee you that I won't get to a fraction of the people I've been thinking about all day. The temptation is to dwell on the money I don't have to spend (drama) and the miles between me and all the people I love (DRAMA) and the failed relationships (DRAMA!)) and all the things I can't do for all the family and friends and loved ones I have (DRRRRRRAAAAAAAMMMMMAAAAAA)...and ya know what?

None of us need to 'should' on ourselves on a day that's about Love.

Love is bigger than that.

I hope, my beloved reader, that your day has been filled with only good stuff. Hopefully reminders-of-Love stuff. I hope you have found some sort of beauty, some sort of joy, some sort of Love on this day - and on every day.

Because you deserve nothing less.

All the 'should'ing we do on this holiday, on any holiday? None of that matters a tiny bit.

What matters is the heart.

I hope your heart is full of only good.

I wish you Love.

Happy Valentine's Day.

<3

~~~~~~

Hey! Have a present!

My friend

s00j offers up this song from her CD, "Mischief." If you like it, you can go download it for free - or for whatever you feel like paying for the tune.

http://music.sjtucker.com/track/to-my-valentine

...the wild foxes danced when you laughed in your cradle
the magpies fell silent when you learned to sing
Imagine my luck, to be part of your fable
where you hold my heart like the fruit in your hand
the mockingbird sang when I lay in my cradle
the pipers all played when I rose up to stand
I'll walk all the roads 'til I'm no longer able
and treasure your heart like the song in my hand..

(And if you like her music, you can go listen to everything she has available over here.)

(You're welcome!)

______________________________________________

"Drama Free Thursday" is the brainchild of

How to Fail at V Day:

1. Decide to write your honey a vaguely naughty, altogether mushy poem.

2. Decide to do so on the Nook he bought you last year.

3. Spend way too much damn time getting the app you used to sync with the web so the poem can be manipulated online.

4. Realize there's no damn way to do a copy and paste whilst using your Nook.

5. Send the poem to your Gmail account.

6. Try to forward the poem to your honey.

7. network error network error network error O HAI I AM YOUR NOOK AND I HATE YOU

8. Hit send about a dozen times.

9. Check your Sent folder. Nope, apparently that mail never sent.

10. Send it a gazillion more times. BECAUSE I FRIGGIN LOVE HIM, I WILL FILL HIS FRIGGIN MAILBOX WITH THAT MUSHY POEM!!!

11. Send it to your Yahoo mailbox.

12. See no evidence that it sent.

13. Dammit..

12. Put the Nook into a time out and use your damn iPhone to forward the poem one more time...just in case. Because it's definitely in your Yahoo mail. Which means your Nook lied. Which means..oh, hell.

13. Decide you hate poetry. And Nooks. And pretty much everything except your cat.

14. Try to snuggle your cat.

15. HAHAHAHANO! HAIRBALL!

16. DAMMIT!!!!

...And that's why Bones has a gajillion emails from me that all say the same damn thing.

Which is, 'Happy Valentine's Day!'

AND I REALLY FRIGGIN' MEAN IT!!!

*grumblesigh*

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

ETA:

A few years ago, I had the privilege of working on a haunt in Michigan and staying in the owner's guest house. By a lake. With a French chef that cooked dinner for the owner's family as well as people staying at the guest house.

It was a fairy tale sort of job. Even my room had fairy tale themed bits of furniture, and a bed that was so high off the ground I literally hurt myself one night trying to navigate my way across the room and into said bed.

The chef, Francois, also worked at the haunt, and while I certainly can't claim he was my friend, he was very kind to me (intimidated as I was by the whole experience), and when I heard he was leaving this job, I sent my well wishes to him via the haunt owner's daughter. Truth be told, I gathered he has left in part to be nearer his wife, but I assumed that meant France.

Jump forward to last night. Bones and I went to a local landmark restaurant/bed and breakfast, Henderson Castle, which is a gorgeous Victorian mansion. As we walked up to the front door and stepped into the foyer, Bones told me a little about the Castle's history..how the owners had sold off many of the antiques when they fell upon hard times, and that someone else had bought the place a few years ago.

A gentleman met us in the lobby and offered to take our coats, and...my brain locked up. Because that had to be Francois. But but but..

"I think I know you," I finally said.

"You look familiar," he replied.

"Fear Itself..?"

"Yes! I was the mortician!"

I hugged him, much to his surprise, and he explained that yes, he had purchased this place in 2011, and had owned other local restaurants in the past, and ..frankly, my brain was sorta not wanting to believe it, but then I Googled him and holy poop this man that had teased me for not being able to drink the martini he had prepared for me at the lake house has a pretty damned impressive resume, and...I may be too intimidated to talk to him again.

That said..a haunter friend of mine once laughed at a tale-of-car-woe of mine, saying, "You are the only person I know that could be literally in the middle of nowhere and find a haunter."

I sat in this amazingly beautiful mansion, waiting for dinner, and giggled. He was right. This is exactly how my world works.

Awesome!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

*blink*
*blink*
http://www.wishroll.com isn't a valid link anymore.

I..have no idea how I actually feel about that.

I wrote, a few weeks ago, on the value of listening, and the topic in my head today is a sort of topic-neighbor to that blog entry.

We communicate - here, in our electronic life, or out there in our flesh-and-bone world - about the things that are bothering us, affecting us, disturbing our hearts or frustrating our minds. When we express ourselves in pixels, it's much too often difficult to know exactly what to say in response.

*hug* is what we most often type out.

And I've seen folks get really annoyed by this, to the point of insisting that *hug* is not an appropriate or welcome response. Maybe it's because you can't wrap yourself in that inky well-intentioned embrace, so it feels a little hollow. Or false. Or too easy.

Sometimes, the drama monster is attracted by the hug. Which is, I think, a wee bit unfair.

During the past week, I've had my nearest and dearest face some pretty sucktastic stuff. They're too far away for me to touch. I've typed out *hug* and <3 and no, it's nowhere NEAR enough of a response.

But it's what I've got, when the person I want to comfort is literally hundreds of miles away.

And that sucktastic crap they're dealing with is stuff I can't really help with. Nor is it stuff I can really offer opinions about. Nor is it stuff they really need to hear feedback or opinions about. It's all stuff they need to ponder and sort out and make difficult decisions about and...ummm...*hug*?

The code monkey that can invent an internet hug of substance deserves to become a multi billionaire. Until that magic happens, we're stuck with finding text-based ways to say, "I am here and I'm reading this and what you're experiencing sucks major moose, and I love you."

Or - ya know - more often than not - *hug*.

No drama.
Just a bit of pixel-captured love.

______________________________________________

"Drama Free Thursday" is the brainchild of

This is my mom's 13 year old cat, Sammy.

He's one of the several rescues she's taken in over the years. My mom and her wife have dedicated a lot of time and resources into catching local ferals, getting them healthy, and getting them adopted, but some like Sam become family.

When he was diagnosed as being diabetic, she literally handfed him to health and has given him the best dang life thus far a kitty could hope for.

During a recent vet visit, it was revealed that he needs pretty extensive dental work - possibly up to $1200 worth.

Her pet sitter salary can't quite cover the very necessary surgery, and we've been pooling money together, but could still use some help.

If you are moved to throw a few dollars into the pot, we would appreciate it so so much.

Her Paypal is ilewars@yahoo.com.

Thanks for listening! <3

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

(This one's late - too many distractions today! - and it's a little unusual. Humour me?)

I sat in a stranger's living room last year - literally on the staircase, watching through the bannister rails - listening to Heather sing the above song, and it's possible I may have teared up a little. Or a lot.

Every morning
Choose to love something about him
Every day
Remember who I choose to be
Every evening
Choose to say the things that haven't yet been said
Then go to bed
And choose to love the man I'm with

Love is easy. We love STUFF all the time. We love our critters and our friends and then there are these others, the ones we love enough to want to walk with through time. That's love, and that's a choice, and we start choosing right then.

We choose to see our lovers as brilliant and strong, able to be all things and do all things. They are amazing because our love paints them as such, and because they are human..which is a pretty amazing thing, when you think about it.

Amazing, and flawed. Because we're all human.

So what do you choose?

Do you hedge your bets? 'I want you in my life for all time, but juuust in case...(fill in the blank.)'

Do you choose to see the whole of that person? 'You're nearly perfect...if you would just do (fill in the blank)..'

Do you respect your partner as well as your relationship?

If your answer is anything but 'yes,' you're flirting with disaster. And drama.

And it expands beyond that to how we handle ourselves every day. Every single day, we choose to act out a vision of our Selves. I've been feeling a little off at work lately. There are some days where...man, I just feel cranky and out of sorts and I just want to put on a pair of headphones and ignore the people around me and..

Wow. Who'd want to work with that jerk?

I'm not saying there's not things to be grumpy about. But..personally? I don't want to be a version of me that's miserable to be around. And I'm sure not saying, 'Hey, Grumblebutt! Put on a big ol' fake smile and be HAPPY, dang it!" Because..here's a secret: If you're putting on an act? People are going to notice that you're being phoney. *cue drama alert*

What I'm saying is this:
Every single day, you are given the opportunity to decide how to navigate your day.

Every day, you get to make a choice about what kind of daughter/son/mother/father/friend/coworker/sweetheart/artist you want to be.

Every day, you get to decide what version of YOU the world gets today.

That's pretty powerful stuff.

Go ye and be awesome. :D

______________________________________________

"Drama Free Thursday" is the brainchild of

Listening. It's a really big deal. We all need someone to talk to, whether it be someone a loved one, a coworker, or a person we pay to sit in a chair, keep quiet, and LISTEN.

And I think DRAMA comes into play when the Listener doesn't really know her/his job description. Because listening is not always about fixing the Talker's problem. It's generally just about listening.

Being a Listener is a position of trust. It is, IMNSHO, an honour to be a confidante. I think we too often forget that. And it's wicked important for any relationship, be it work-related, friendship, family, or lover.

So! How do we taken on the role of Listener and do right by the job, as well as the Talker?

* Ask what your buddy's looking to get out of this conversation. Are you being asked for advice? Are you being a sounding board? Better to find out first rather than offer unwanted feedback and stumble into a big ol' puddle of DRAMA. :)

* Focus on what's being said...not on lunch, or your own stressors, or...anything except what's being spoken. Make sure the Talker can tell you're listening. (Eye contact is a great way to do this.)

* Not sure you grok? Repeat back what you think you heard. Studies show no two people see the same colour the same way...it shouldn't be surprising that two people don't always speak the same English! Don't assume you know what the Talker is talking about. If you're not sure? Ask, or repeat.

* Don't interrupt. The spotlight is on the Talker, until/unless the Talker says otherwise.

* Don't fall into the trap of responding in a way that sounds like you're belittling what was said. "Oh, you're upset because Penelope was found tied up on the train tracks again? That's ok. My neighbor's dog was tied to a tree by my car yesterday." Trust me. The "that's ok" response is NEVER helpful. It can come across as competition/one-upmanship as well as belittling, so let's just avoid that particular drama-puddle.

* Know your boundaries. Sometimes the Talker really really needs to vent about something that you just can't handle, or needs to talk past the time you're able to listen. It's healthy to let the Talker know you have to end the conversation, and why.

Now go ye and be awesome to each other!

______________________________________________

"Drama Free Thursday" is the brainchild of

Guest blogger Jennifer Gebhart writes:

Reading Resources - http://www.donorschoose.org/project/reading-resources/951287/

My Students: I work with struggling readers. For these kids, one of the greatest challenges is learning the sounds that letters make and successfully internalizing that knowledge so that they can decode and comprehend as they read.

I work as the reading specialist in a small elementary school in Pennsylvania. These kids struggle with the basics of reading and for many of them, the written form of a letter is not enough for them to successfully learn the sound. Many of these students are non-native English speakers, who will be the first fluent English speaker in their families. Others come from homes that struggle economically. All of my students have the potential to shine and I work hard to help them reach their potential through a variety of approaches. Limited resources strains my creativity at times and this project contains one of the items that I've been unable to create myself in an effective manner.

My Project: The materials that I've requested will allow my students to explore the sounds letters make in a way that goes beyond looking at a word on a page or rote repetition of a letter sound. By manipulating and playing with objects that share letter sounds, the kids will be able to make associations and connections between items and across sounds, to help them grow and thrive as readers.

One idea I have for these materials are making 'letter stories' -- having the students select a tub and then make a story using several items that share the same letter sounds. This will let them play with language in a way that kids who struggle with simply remembering what sound 'e' makes seldom get to do.

Without reading, children cannot hope to succeed in school or life. A child who struggles with the basics will continue to struggle and will eventually fall so far behind that many of them will just stop trying. The items I'm requesting will help me help my students build the basic framework of their understanding of language.

Please help my students receive these items! Thank you! « hide

My students need hands-on materials to help them learn the sounds letters make and connect those sounds to items they recognize.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is an AWESOME project by a fellow LJer, and it needs not that much at all to become a reality...at this point, just over $400.

If you make a donation THIS WEEK and you use the code INSPIRE at check-out, your donation will be MATCHED, doubling the good you can do! So even $1 or $5 will work twice as hard for Ms Gebhart's project!!

http://www.donorschoose.org/project/reading-resources/951287/

Make with the clickity to see full details of this project and to help, if you can!

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...there are squirrels in my head...

"Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have."

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