DRAMA FREE THURSDAY: My experience does not invalidate yours

[elionwyr]

For a very long time, I read Runes. This taught my brain to look for patterns in things, and this week I've run into a lot of frustration that had, at each aggravating heart, a common theme:

I don't have a problem with such-and-such, so I don't see why you do.

In one instance, this sentiment was expressed by saying, "We do the same work as that group does but we don't have to document what we do because we rarely ever have to do anything involved enough to need documenting. If we do, we expect to be told each time how to do it."

In another example, the issue came up as, "I don't see the world as being dangerous to me and I'm angry that there's a discussion going on about how some people don't feel safe."

(..I am of course paraphrasing like OMGWHOA.)

Here's the deal:

My vision of the world - my experience of it - is not yours. It might be similar. But it's not the same. There are studies that show no two people see colours the exact same way. We've probably all heard that there are huge issues with eye witness testimonies not matching what has actually happened. So it shouldn't be a surprise to hear that hey, guess what? My world vision is different from yours.

So in general, saying. "Wow, I haven't had that experience, so yours is invalid," isn't a good idea...unless you're courting the Dramamonster. Or you're wanting to pick a fight.

(This point gets jumbled when the issue in question is an issue of someone's reputation. I've been in that muck in varied ways - I think most people have - and in that case, speak your Truth. State what your experience had been. And if the basis for the discussion is Truth, there need not be Drama.)

(Or maybe that's just my naive world-experience talking..) :)

Anyway. My point is that if someone is talking about something frustrating or scary or painful, listen to what's being said. Don't dismiss it. There are difficult aspects of this amazing world we've all co-created, and just because you've never seen that particular bit of ew, it's not a good idea to dismiss it.

Happens all the time, of course. There was no Holocaust. Racism doesn't exist. Women are wrong to walk through their lives being afraid of men. Saying, "Nope, haven't seen it, isn't real, shut up!" doesn't fix anything. It doesn't make the ew go away. And it doesn't create a world where someone will believe you should that become a necessity in your life.

From the smallest denial to the largest, every time someone says, "Nope, I don't see it so its not real," our world is diminished. Just a little.

So listen. And talk. And listen some more. If every one of us does that, there need be no drama.

Now go be awesome to each other. <3

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I'm posting from my phone, so I don't have access to my usual disclaimer. But! DFT is the brain child of popfiend; all ideas posted above are my thinky thoughts; YMMV should always be applied to my DFT posts; and discussion is great, so let's have a party in the comments! :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Comments

[oxymoron67.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have so been here, on both sides, too.

It is easy to get caught up in the whole "This is how I experienced a certain event, how dare you experience it differently?" is easy. But remembering that other folks' experiences are just as valid as one's own is always worth doing.

I'm not saying this well. I totally agree with what you're saying.

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying so. :)

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

The biggest irony, of course, being that one of the people saying, "I don't see the world that way! Women can't be scared all the time! The world isn't always scary!" -- him? Carries a gun. Always.