elionwyr | Entries tagged with me

My grandmother, I'm told, had quite a green thumb. I've always wished I had inherited that particular trait, but - alas - the only things I could really claim to be able to care for well have been shamrock plants (because those bastards are just too dang stubborn to kill).

I've always wanted a garden, and up until now I've only lived in a few placed that allowed me to play in the dirt, with varied degrees of success. As a kid, I was pretty good with four o'clocks; as an adult, I've pretty much stuck to annuals, and have learned that gardening in poor neighborhoods is more properly called 'archaeology.' It's gotten to the point where I'm shocked if I'm NOT finding broken glass, toys and the like buried in the garden-to-be.

Some of my early getting-to-know-you talks with Bones concerned plants and gardening. He was frustrated by the death sentence his home seemed to be to anything he tried to grow. So when I moved out here, friends loaded me down with plants from their gardens, and I chose things (like hostas) because I knew he liked them. What I didn't know was how many plants he was bringing as well!

We had a lot of gardening to do.

I have no 'before' pics, but imagine if you will that the front of our house was full of scraggy shrubby goodness. Bones tore all that out before I moved in.
( with nothing to use for comparison, let's move forward.. )

Last week, a friend posted a link to this blog, saying, "If you have ever wondered what it is like to have to deal with chronic depression... THIS."

A blogger I love with a great and mighty brain-crush said, a few days ago, "If you’re currently in the throes of a depression (or are in the position of watching someone who is) please remember that depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass. And life will be brighter again. I promise. Thank you for reminding me of that, even when I find it hard to believe it myself."

Depression is a lot of things. It is crippling. It is cyclic. It is frustrating. It is insidious and sneaky. Sometimes you don't realize you're in its grip until you realize you're sleeping in your clothes and you're relatively content to not leave the house and hey, the longer you sit at your desk the more your body hurts from not moving and the less likely you are to move because everything hurts. Or maybe you find that you simply cannot do the Big Scary Adult Things you have to do - like, oh, pay a bill - because you have an irrational anxiety about doing so.

It might look like Crazy.
It might look like Easy to Fix and Control.
It might even look like Oh You're Just Lazy.

It might look like a lot of things...until you stop and a take a really good hard look at what's going on, and at how little Cope you have left on reserve. (Which is, in some ways, as horrid a piece of the puzzle as the rest of it, because you think, 'Oh, I can totally do this thing - rawr! - and I can listen to that friend - poor baby! - and I can make that phone call - yay! - and wow I'm suddenly just wanting to go back to bed because I'm completely overwhelmed and I shouldn't be because I just did these few things...' And that's true. You should be able to do lots of things. Unless the Depression Beast is sitting on your chest, sapping away all that Cope.)

So yes, for some people, depression is the negative voice in your head that lies and criticizes, and for others, it's what pulls away your energy. And I don't really have a clever end to this, so..here. Read this article about how exercise can help.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/31/prescribing-exercise-to-treat-depression/

Because she 'asked' ever so sweetly! (And her answers were ever so sweet.) I've done this sort of thing before, but I'll try to not repeat answers..so I'll try to do habits or quirks rather than facts.

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

1. I never watch people leave.
When I was a child, I used to sit at the window, watch my mom leave after a visit, and cry for what seemed like hours. Eventually I stopped this self-torture, and even now I will almost never acknowledge that someone I love is leaving. I will hug you goodbye, and then I will turn my back and walk away myself. I will NOT watch you leave me.

2. I make wishes on haybales and dandelion seed fluffs. Usually it's the same wish. (No, it hasn't come true...but I still hope.)

3. When I see pumpkins or jack-o-lanterns, I am very likely to yell, "PUMPKINPUMPKINPUMPKIN!!" (This is entirely Jen Riviezzo's fault.)

4. If I pass by a person walking their dog, I will say hi to the dog and generally barely acknowledge the dog's owner. (It's not intentional; it's just the way my brain works.)

5. I am much happier in general when I am able to sleep between two bodies. (Yes, two cats count.)

6. I am perhaps much too torn between being 'prudish Victorian' in my thoughts about sex and wanting to act on many a varied impulse. 'Prudish Victorian' nearly always wins out. ("GET BACK IN THE BAG, MONKEYBONE!")

7. Nearly every night, I go to sleep convinced that tomorrow will be the day I wake up early and get a good fresh jumpstart on my day. So I set my alarm for 7AM or 6AM or whatever I think will be the magical time for me to awaken. And every morning, I hit snooze for about 2 hours. (Whether this is a habit, quirk, or just proof of my insanity, I'm not sure.)

I'm not tagging anyone.
..Because I'm a friggin' PIRATE, that's why!

I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that you think should be obvious, but you have no idea about. I promise true answers.

(Because, clearly, I'll do almost ANYTHING to avoid cleaning.)

I addressed my thoughts on race here; I think Mr Freeman does a rather brilliant job of doing the same in less than a minute.

(Note that I did this meme here, but I was tagged again - this time by the lovely

shadowwolf13.)

- Each person writes eight random facts/habits about themselves.
- People who are tagged need to write their own blog about eight of their things and post these rules.
- At the end of your blog, you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.

( no promises that they won't all be new info )

Because

passe__compose tagged me..

List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
Tag seven people to do the same.
(Do not tag the person who tagged you.)
( Fact one: I am actually 340 squirrels in a Dusti Costume! ..Ok, not really. )

Current Mood: still very hot

Since I've had a healthy lil' bit of growth on my friends' list, here's a quickie FAQ (sporadically updated - edited as of 8/28/09_

Hi! *waves at monitor*

I'm a writer (samples of my work are on my website - a haunter (I work in and help build and run haunted houses) - I currently work in a greenhouse and lo! I am poor! - I was a zookeeper for 11 years and miss it very very much - I resonate to Runes more than any other oracle - I live in a teeny tiny town in western PA just south of Pittsburgh, but previously was in Philadelphia for about 18 years - I'm Floridian by birth.

I'm frequently squirrelly, intelligent like whoa, and I reluctantly carry the title of being an anxious depressive.

I think and talk very quickly; generally I also talk very softly, so if you are talking with me and you can't understand me, you are always encouraged to ask me to speak in human-speak. I will not be offended.

I own a hearse named Bartok.

I read voraciously, when I have the time. I also make dreamcatchers and custom-themed umbrellas; additionally, I go on little fits of doing cross stitch.

My fandoms of choice are Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes; I collect books on vampires; my brain's default mode is generally Victorian.

I have a tiny part on a horror host TV show here in western PA called Midnight Monster Hop. I play a Russian vampire named Madam Spooky; I get to introduce rock videos. (I am the undead Martha Quinn!) If you know of a gothy/rockabilly band that has music videos they'd like to see get on the air, let me know!!!!

I am currently unattached in any official way, though there are Potential Somebodies in my life and I'm not actively looking to add to the list. I have an ex-husband who I agonize about much too much. I have a black cat named Lurk, and he is very often the center of my universe.

Questions? Ask!

ETA 8/5/07:
The Care and Feeding of Elionwyr

I am very very very literal-minded.
Therefore, if you promise something? Especially if it's support?
Don't not do it.
I can forgive a great many things. And I do. But lack of emotional support when there have been repeated promises to provide it? Dude. So not a good thing.

(I realize that I should not judge the world by "how I would handle things" standards. OTOH, my expressions of Love do include, oh, flying to stay with Story in the hospital. Most of the people I love would - and have -done the same thing with no hesitation. Which, I suppose, is a high standard to meet. And if you can't meet it, say so. Because it's much much worse to have me hold on waiting for support that doesn't manifest itself.)

...In other words, don't lie to me.

Also, if you have a question about me or my behavior?
Ask me about it.
Don't assume you know what's going on in my head. I'm a Gemini, for heaven's sake - there are times you are NOT going to be able to keep up with my brain.
I am hard to offend, and I do not like to fight. Assuming things about me - and accusing me of the things you are assuming? You're getting offended AND fighting all in one fell swoop. It will end relationships. And it has.
Spare us both the stress, and just talk to me.

/ETA

And I have a guestbook I'd love you to 'sign'.

And welcome to my LJ. :)

I received an email forward thang that contained a graphic that mirrored a little too much something I wrote to Story earlier today:

In that spirit, I'd like to offer a new service to you, Gentle Readers, that will hopefully clear up at least some of the future confusions you may suffer whilst perusing these entries and prevent the embarrassment of wrongly assuming that this song is about you.

If you are reading along at home and thinking, 'Gee, I wonder if she's talking about me?'...well well well, you need wonder no more!

[Poll #759162]
For exaaaaaaamaple:

My journal is, at this point, only about a third public. Which thwarts some of its initial intent: to help people that I do not communicate with very often, but care about very much, know what the frig I'm doing.

If you are reading in an attempt to find out about my life because you've been uninvited from it (Attention! Chris, you are one of the people I'm talking about!)..please, go find a new hobby.

kthnxbye

Current Mood: helpful!

A fairly new friend has discovered Friendster, and put up this testimonial - which I thought was sweet, and very unexpected, and I don't want to forget her words. Because I'm very down on myself right now.
~~
What can I say about Dusti... hmmm. Not much that her profile doesn't already cover... EXCEPT ... She is one of the most honest, genuine, kind, decent and devilish people I've ever had the honor - and I do mean HONOR - of meeting. With more regret then I can give voice to, we won't get to hang out together much anymore, but I will always have room for her and hers in my heart and home.