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this morning's quote
Apr. 27th, 2002 08:49 pmHim: You're adorable in the morning...but you look like a mental patient. Go take a shower.
alcohol warning
Apr. 17th, 2002 01:13 pmAlcohol Consumption -- FDA Warnings...
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead/knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead/knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
work humor
Apr. 10th, 2002 09:08 amThere was a blurb in the local paper about Miss Cleo and lawsuits...part of the article included a sidebar of phone ettiquete/rules for psychic hotlines. I found it pretty funny, so I cut out the info and put some of it on my phone at work. Not, of course, that anyone will notice it but me, but...it makes me smile. >:)
PHONE RULES
* Do not try to extort any money from a client.
* Never put callers on hold for any reason.
* We do not talk to the dead, we let them
rest in peace.
* No discussion of death, doom, or disaster.
Never upset a caller.
* Do not pretend to know the future.
* There shall be no casting of spells on
this line or any magic potions.
* This line is NOT to be used for
promoting evil.
PHONE RULES
* Do not try to extort any money from a client.
* Never put callers on hold for any reason.
* We do not talk to the dead, we let them
rest in peace.
* No discussion of death, doom, or disaster.
Never upset a caller.
* Do not pretend to know the future.
* There shall be no casting of spells on
this line or any magic potions.
* This line is NOT to be used for
promoting evil.
