elionwyr: (Default)
My life is amazing, an adventure, a constant quest to be that ideal person 'hiding, lurking, waiting inside of me.'

http://youtu.be/AWI9VxdQecE
elionwyr: (doit)
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Would it be fair to say 'nothing'?

I'd like to not do...THIS *waves hands in air*...again.

I know there will be something else, and with the way I long towards the night sky, I think an existence moving among the planets with one that I love would feed my soul amazingly well.

But...THIS...I'd like to hope I'm working all the stuff out I had to work out so I can go do something else.
elionwyr: (Default)
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Yes. Yes, heavens, yes.

And here's what I hate about bullying (besides the obvious):

There is no simple answer.

You can't just ignore it. It doesn't just go away.
Beating the crap out of the bully isn't really the answer.
I think finding a way to reclaim power is the only answer. (In one stupid-dramatic example, the boy who had been bullying me by throwing rocks at me and then stabbing me in the back with a plastic fork only stopped when I grabbed the "weapon" in the middle of class and destroyed it while looking at him.)

So..perhaps yes, the answer is 'reclaim power.' Whether that be you doing it or getting someone that the bully is actually afraid of to do it.

But I hate that adults lie about bullying. They tell kids that bullying happens because of jealousy or attraction, as if that makes it ok. I never had an adult actually HELP me when it came to being bullied. - Well, actually, scratch that. One did. My grandfather. Once. And that is a shining memory, lemme tell ya.

It's such a weird topic. I defended kids that were bullied. I was bullied by some really mean kids that really...it wasn't personal. Not as far as I could tell. One of those kids moved away and came back and I realized that she honestly had no idea who I was. She'd made me miserable and..it didn't matter to her.


And I think that being bullied is something that's really hard to shake out of your Self. When you encounter it as an adult, it's remarkably difficult to not regress, retreat into old duck-and-cover responses.

How do you get through it?

You keep moving forward and you find more things that make you happy and make you feel safe than otherwise. And you take power. You never belittle another person's sorrow or offer empty platitudes when they tell you, "I'm being bullied." And you never never do that crap to someone else.
elionwyr: (Default)
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Well, yes. A lot.

But one thing I've been thinking about a lot is that I used to be a lot more...strident? self righteous?...about the things I blogged.

I'd get ticked off about something that deserved my ire, and then I'd post about it here. Sometimes deliberately to throw support to a friend. Sometimes because I wanted a soapbox. Generally I did it publically.

I'm not sure that was good form.

In the world of Facebook, it's incredibly easy to post a status in the flush of emotion. And..I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't know that I need to flaunt my emotional state to the intarwebz.

I also admit that this is in part inspired by the person I'm dating, whom I think handles such things better than I do.

But. Yes. I think I could have done better in the past, and I'm surely trying to do better now, having figured out another piece of the person I wish to be.
elionwyr: (surprised)
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..Wait, what? 0_o


Well. I can't imagine waking up my beloved to ensure that we *both* die in utter panic. Assuming the sound of ZOMG DEATH DOOM DESTRUCTION AAAAAAUGH!!! isn't enough to disturb one's sleep, I'm..not sure what WOULD wake him.

So, see - the morbid part of me wants to answer this question but.. "Wait..what?" I don't generally answer these Writer's Block prompts because of the WTFery of many of them. But but but..

Ok, so.

Would I wake him? No. He's clearly had one too many drinks and tranquilizers.

I'd still say 'I love you.' I'd hope that I'd try to see if there's anything I can do to ensure we survive the crash. And if not, I'd start praying like hell that we find each other again ASAP in whatever comes after impact.
elionwyr: (cephalopod)
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Someone living. And it would be this:

I have spent the better part of 8 years being angry at someone, an acquaintance, for helping me pack to move out of my house and then literally moving herself in without talking to me about it. I've been angry at her, and angry at him for not telling me about them - for kissing her in front of me and me not understanding what was between them, for him talking to me about wanting her to move in before we'd finalized anything between us, before a single paper had been signed - me giving him my reasons for not thinking it was a good idea, not noticing that there were boxes being moved in already.

Angry at them for not being more forthcoming. Angry at myself for being taken by surprise.

I believe now that their relationship has been a good thing. It's brought things - one beautiful little life in particular - that I could not have brought into his life. I've stopped being angry...quite a while ago, in fact.

But I never wanted to do to someone what was done to me.

And I have. Not in the same way, not to the same degree. But I have.

And I'm sorry..so very sorry.
elionwyr: (Default)
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I can't pick the three best, but I'll tell ya three of the books I actively recommend and lend out to people.

War for the Oaks - Emma Bull (and I'm so sorry I missed her at Darkover!)
The Glimmering - Elizabeth Hand
Sunshine - Robin McKinley

I love these for how vivid they are, for the way each writer approaches fantasy and their different visions of an alternate Earth. Hand's is the darkest, and truth be told it screwed up the way I look at the world for a while...but not necessarily in a bad way, more in a 'wow things could go so horribly wrong..I just want to hug the planet' way.

I do want to add Dragonsong by Anne McCaffrey and the Lord of the Rings series because these were the first books I read that I could close my eyes and see these worlds. I was one of those kids that read LotR at a very young age - 2nd grade - and it is perhaps one reason I was always reading well above what was age appropriate. Beverly Cleary can't really compare to Tolkien.

Worst books are rather genre-specific..
Mastery - ?
I may have this in a box in the basement. I actually can't find a listing online. My dislike of this book is almost akin to the feelings one has for a lover that has betrayed you. The first chapter drew me in..it was beautifully written. My assumption is that the first chapter is what sold the book to the publisher, and either the author had no intention of following through (which would have made this book a must-read), because the tone of what follows chapter one is the stuff bad pulp fiction is made of. Mastery broke my heart a little, and I'm still angry about it well over a decade later.

Erebus - Shaun Hutson
Based on the idea that there is a link between porphyria and vampirism, this book is one of the few vampire novels I kept for years simply because it was so bad. A scan across the intarwebz will show that this theory has been exploited by other authors, and I personally feel that's rather irresponsible, as people afflicted with this disease have enough crap to deal with...being called vampires just makes an already difficult life that much more problematic.

Vittorio the Vampire - Anne Rice
I disliked this book so much that it almost turned me off to all of Anne's writings. I felt somehow unclean after reading it. I can't really explain to you why, and considering what a fan I've been of the Vampire Chronicles, my reaction saddened me. But I've not been able to pick up a new-to-me book of hers since, and I'm pretty sure I jettisoned my copy of Vittorio quite a while ago.
elionwyr: (Default)
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Let me tell ya a story, LiveJournal.

When I was a child, my mother a magical book collection. Filling a wall, nearly floor to ceiling, her collection consisted mostly of science fiction - though vampires, Sherlock Holmes, and erotica also made an appearance.

At home, I wasn't allowed to buy books. I had - goodness, maybe 30 or 40 books? - and they were treasure to me. My mother gave me permission to read and/or borrow whatever struck my interest from her shelves, and I gleefully did so without much input from anyone.

I read The Story of O at much too young an age - I was a teenager, but I didn't understand the book, and I'm pretty sure I didn't take that one back to my father's house with me.

The book that got me into trouble? A collection of Anne McCaffrey stories - I want to say it was Get off the Unicorn but the cover I remember showed a scantily clad female, and the covers on Amazon don't match my memory. Regardless, my father saw the cover art and took the book from me, saying it was inappropriate.

This simply means I went and got the book when he wasn't around, read it, and returned it to my mom with no reaction from my mostly-uninvolved father. (Yes, I was sometimes a sneaky child...but only when it involved something unfair regarding my mother. Like intercepted letters to me being opened and hidden in his sock drawer. But I digress.)

So, LiveJournal, my gut reaction is HELL NO don't censor or ban books! If if IF there is merit or need, for the love of all that's holy do your research and look past the cover art. I think it's dangerous to make blanket rules for everyone because we are each of us unique and complicated critters. The Shining damaged my brain for many years. I am the exception in my circle of friends. I would not say the movie should be banned because it convinced me that my father was going to kill me with an axe.

I would say, instead, that there should be discussion if there is concern regarding what your teen is reading, or watching, or checking out online. I know, I know...discussion is scary. Much easier to slash and burn than to talk and think, and yet I highly recommend this rather radical gameplan.
elionwyr: (Default)
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Hm. I think three books.
* A collection of Sherlock Holmes books
* "Little Women"
* "Sunshine"
elionwyr: (Default)
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"Division by zero does not exist!"

..Why are you looking at me like that?"
elionwyr: (Default)
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..Hm.

I don't think I hold grudges. But neither do I tend to forgive and forget.
Forgive, yes; forget...yes and no. O hai, Gemini! I mean, it's really easy to hurt me several times because I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I don't forget. Which - makes no sense, I realize.

Perhaps it's a combination of Gemini and optimism? Sure, Lucy, you're gonna pull that football away again. I get that. But maybe you won't, so yeah, let me try to kick it one more time...

The longest I've ever stayed angry would be..hm. 24 years? And nope, nothing she can do about it. Nor would she. (Ah, the joys of family angst!) In general, if I get to the point where I want nothing to do with you - which takes a LOT of effort on the other person's side of things! - I'll get over it in a few years and crack the door open a little - but it's gonna take some work to get me to actually let you back in.

There are currently..hm. Five people on the list of People I Want Out of My Life For Good. One is the aforementioned family member; two have been roughly 5 years now; and the two others have been within this past year. I don't anticipate their statuses changing.
elionwyr: (write hard die free)
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My first answer is 'hell no' and that's not really true.

I think about reactions with non-fic more than with fic. With non-fic I definitely work harder to start with a hook. I used to use my father-in-law as a test audience, because he really could care less about much of anything I was writing - but if I could get him to want to read, I figured I was on the right track.

I use white space a lot and that's a conscious thing - it's about rhythm and impact, so in that regard I think of the audience as well.

Blogging - I often blog hoping to get a reaction. Which strikes me as obvious.

Fiction - for the most part, I don't think I look much past the trying to get the feel of what I'm writing down accurately, being true to the voices in my head (so to speak). Which is sometimes a problem, because (for example) I don't want to spell everything out for the reader, and during my experience being in a writers' group that caused some contention. Yes, I answer the questions later; no, I'm not going to tell you until I dang well want to.

(Side note: I don't generally like these prompts, but the last few have caught my interest. I'm sure they'll go back to asking about vampire baseball soon enough.)
elionwyr: (beware)
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(Too funny to resist answering.)

I don't 'keep tabs' on anyone online.

I have, in the past. Most of the time, it's been focused at estranged family members rather than love interests, and...I think that to look for information about people that don't care to have you in their lives is ultimately hurtful towards Self and often led into some sad thoughts, so I rarely do so anymore.

I have online connections to several exes. It's not 'keeping tabs,' it's 'staying friends.'
I also have severed online connections with a few people that were once important to me. I'm pretty thorough about such things - emails get filtered to 'trash,' social networking site accounts get blocked, etc. My general thought is that if you are someone that is not in my life, I'd prefer to keep it that way. And just as I'd not invite you into my home, I'd prefer you stay out of my electronic life...and will reciprocate that 'favour.'

So - yeah. I think it's emotionally unhealthy to maintain a 'stalker' sort of contact with an ex-whatever.
elionwyr: (batlove)
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..Hm.

Yes, I believe.
Yes, I think I've met - well, a few, actually.

Do I worry that "the one" got away? Not at all.

A friend once told me, as he was processing the loss of a relationship he thought was The One, "As awesome as she was? I have to believe that the person who really is The One has to be completely amazing."

I have been well loved, and I *am* well loved. While part of me fears that..mmm, how to say it? I never thought I'd get married. I'm not sure I'll have the experience of being that bonded with one person again. And some days I'm ok with that, and some days I'm..well, not. But. I am lucky with what I have in my life.
elionwyr: (Default)
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Um. Yes.

Animals in cages need a place - a hidebox, a cave, something - to retreat to so they're not on display all the time.

Us monkeys aren't any different.

I don't think anyone thinks, "Hey, I want to be famous emough that I can't go to the bathroom without being followed/photographed/talked to by fans!"

Common sense shouldn't be such a rare commodity.

And - ya know - Don't Be A Dick.
elionwyr: (Default)
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A mischievous goblin.
elionwyr: (vamp)
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Apparently 'bat boy' doesn't mean what I think it means.

January 2013

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