Feb. 10th, 2012

elionwyr: (Default)
My life is amazing, an adventure, a constant quest to be that ideal person 'hiding, lurking, waiting inside of me.'

elionwyr: (batlove)
..I'm not afraid
more than you think
of emptiness..

If you were to ask me which fictional character I related to the most out of any I'd encountered? For a very long time, the answer would have been, "The Phantom of the Opera." Too shy, too inexperienced, too tangled in the pressures put upon me as a child regarding my sexual preferences - oh god oh god what if I turned out to be gay? - I chose instead to bottle up my emotions and, like tortured Erik, look longingly at love from a distance, unsure how to not be a ghost.

And so I am a creature with a long history of fluttering at the edges of attraction.

..I feel you take me to the brink
of happiness..

He walks into the room wearing glasses and a suit.

I forget how to breathe.

He half-smiles at my reaction. "I don't get it," he confesses.

He has dressed for me, suspecting the way my heart would flutter; yet in the face of my inability to see anyone but him, he is almost frowning his confusion.

I look forward to showing him, in private, exactly how much I like that outfit.

"..Do you remember where we've been?
Will we end up finding somewhere to begin?

I place my hand along the side of his face, his cheek against the curve of my palm. "I'm allowed to do this."


I don't think he sees the ghost fluttering in my eyes, the tragic tortured phantom stepping off my internal stage, maybe for the last time.

Our lips touch in something more than a kiss.

..I know how to travel
and I know how to leave
maybe I ought to stay
until I'm home..

There was a time we seemed impossible. In the quirky twists of my inner time-scape, I may always be the woman longing for these moments - the woman reaching back through time to reassure my past-self that yes, this is your future - the woman celebrating a lifetime in his arms.

I touch his face again.

There aren't enough ways to say "I love you."


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