He Who Must Not Be Named
Dec. 9th, 2001 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elionwyrI received an email forward from my mother today from He Who Must Not Be Named.
It was an..interesting email, painting me as someone I'm not. And of course, the true gotcha is that I really can't respond mano a mano - there's just no way to do so where it would go well.
So where do you go with all those words and feelings and..*crap*?
My beloved tells me that, when people are lying about you and when others who used to care about you believe said lies, that when you find out all the reasons and why's and words, that they don't really help you not hurt or not be angry...that the only thing that really helps is to take all that energy you're putting into hurting and being angry - take that energy and put it somewhere useful and positive.
He also tells me that taking the high road and not reacting makes you a better person.
I don't feel like a better person. I feel like someone who's been slandered yet again; someone who's had words put into her mouth yet again; like someone has a puppet with my name on it and they're making it do and say things I haven't done, but somehow that puppet is more real than I am.
It's a pretty screwed up feeling.
It's one I had really hoped I'd outgrown. I'd really thought that I *couldn't* feel that way again. But I gotta confess, I've spent the past day with all those old evil thoughts in my head.."you don't deserve to eat" "you're a bad person because they say you are".
Need I say how much all *that* sucks?
It was an..interesting email, painting me as someone I'm not. And of course, the true gotcha is that I really can't respond mano a mano - there's just no way to do so where it would go well.
So where do you go with all those words and feelings and..*crap*?
My beloved tells me that, when people are lying about you and when others who used to care about you believe said lies, that when you find out all the reasons and why's and words, that they don't really help you not hurt or not be angry...that the only thing that really helps is to take all that energy you're putting into hurting and being angry - take that energy and put it somewhere useful and positive.
He also tells me that taking the high road and not reacting makes you a better person.
I don't feel like a better person. I feel like someone who's been slandered yet again; someone who's had words put into her mouth yet again; like someone has a puppet with my name on it and they're making it do and say things I haven't done, but somehow that puppet is more real than I am.
It's a pretty screwed up feeling.
It's one I had really hoped I'd outgrown. I'd really thought that I *couldn't* feel that way again. But I gotta confess, I've spent the past day with all those old evil thoughts in my head.."you don't deserve to eat" "you're a bad person because they say you are".
Need I say how much all *that* sucks?