another moving discussion

[elionwyr]

The topic of relocating came up again last night.

My response was the same: I worry about (1) the house we just bought, (2) the animals we own, and (3) Jason's daughter.

The area of discussion was Montana.

Montana.

I was born in Florida, in West Palm Beach.
I've lived on the east coast my entire life.
The idea of moving to the middle of the country is scary to me.

I understand that Montana is beautiful.
I also know that it's cold during the winter - far colder than I'm used to - and far removed from the ocean.

The ocean means a lot to me.
In January, I start dreaming about it. I have a strong need to go there.
Usually in May, I go to Assateague Island as a chaperone for an Academy trip, and being there is a healing experience for me. The last time I went - 2 years ago now - I had the amazing opportunity to sit on the sand dunes with my back to the ocean and full moon, watching a small band of wild ponies grazing before me.

I do realize that Montana was, many millions of years ago, part of an inland sea.
That doesn't really compare to Assateague. Or the Florida keys.

Jason tells me that he would need a really good offer for him to want to move. He quotes a desired salary of $60K so that we could keep this house and he could take care of me, let me write full time if I so desired.

What would I desire?
I really don't know.
I don't have skills that a rancher could use.
I would hopefully work with Jason and his team as an office manager - they really need one, even now - but is it what I desire?
All too often, I find peace with the animals I work with. It's still where my heart is happiest. But being a Gemini and subject to the whims of Mercury, it's hard for me to focus on any one thing.

I don't even think there's a decent haunted house in the entire state of Montana.

Someone wrote, in another LJer's journal, that people only stay in Pennsylvania that are unable to leave, lack skills or the intelligence to leave. (This is not an exact quote; it's what I walked away with after reading zie entry.) And though I'm not a native of Pennsylvania, I took affront to the slur. Because I do love this state. I love the corn fields, the gentle rolling mountains of my lost childhood home, the hex signs and covered bridges, the mysterious Amish, the age of the buildings and the history of its cities. It's a beautiful place to live, and I wouldn't leave it easily.

At the same time, I can't say I'm convinced this is where I will live for forever.

But still..I can't say that Montana is where my heart is drawn to be. I suspect that if I were to ever have the opportunity to go to Scotland, I'd end up clinging to its countryside, shrieking, "No! You can't make me leave! She's mine! I'm hers!"

Ah well.
I did ask if I should start going through the process of packing - subtext: the agonizing process of what stays, what goes, what part of my past can I throw away *this* time. The answer was no, not to worry about it. And it's not that we wouldn't make the decision together - don't walk away from this entry thinking of me as a victim.

It all just weighs heavily on my mind.

Comments

[brenda927.livejournal.com]

I drove threw montana.....damn long drive too

but it seemed pretty (unlike the snowy hell-hole of Iowa)

Moving is a PAIN, so if you do I hope you find someplace worth the effort!!!!

Haunted house in MONTANTA? good luck!
you could create one, but finding one---sounds doubtful

I have lived in Michigan and Ohio my whole life, I have only seen each ocean one time. They are lovely but what I find to be healing is woods. As a kid I'd hide in them and climb trees and watch random critters run around doing whatever is is critters do

There is alot of beauty in the middle-area of the country
there's also alot of snow, and alot of droughts, alot of other natural pains in the asses (tornadoes, etc....)
but where ever you go there will be something wrong
and you will find something wonderful to cling to....

Hope you two find the best place for the both of you!