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elionwyrAnd if there is ANY justice in the Doctor Who Universe?
She'll be allowed to be THIS obnoxious.
Not a spoiler; not from Who.
"David Tennant is Catherine Tate's new English teacher in a sketch performed for Comic Relief 2007."
FRIGGIN' HYSTERICAL!!!!!
*open up on LAUREN (Catherine Tate) and other STUDENT sitting at a table*
STUDENT: I can't believe we got double English
LAUREN: English is well dry.
STUDENT: I don't see what's so great about reading anyways.
LAUREN: No, reading's for looooosers.
STUDENT: Innit though? At least we've got a new teacher today.
LAUREN: Yeah, right, that'll be a laugh, wouldn't it?
*enter new TEACHER (David Tennant)*
TEACHER: *with Scottish accent* Morning
CLASS: Allllll right
TEACHER: As I'm sure you're aware, my name is Mr. Logan. I'm your new English teacher. Nice to meet you all. Hope you're all ready to get to grips with some Elizabethan literature. Let's all turn to page 53 in our poetry text books. I think we'll dive straight in with the bard himself.
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: Yeah?
LAUREN: Are you English, sir?
TEACHER: No, I'm Scottish
LAUREN: So you ain't English then.
TEACHER: No, I'm British.
LAUREN: So you ain't English then.
TEACHER: No, I'm not, but as you can see, I do speak English.
LAUREN: But I can't understand what you're saying, sir.
TEACHER: Well, clearly, you can.
LAUREN: Sorry, are you talking Scottish now?
TEACHER: No, I'm talking English.
LAUREN: Right, but don't sound like it.
TEACHER: Okay, whatever you want. Now, let's get on with Shakespeare.
LAUREN: I don't think you?re qualified to teach us English.
TEACHER: I am perfectly qualified to teach English.
LAUREN: I don't think you are though.
TEACHER: You don't have to be English to teach it.
LAUREN: Right. Have we got double English or double Scottish?
TEACHER: Is your name Lauren Cooper, by any chance?
LAUREN: Yeah.
TEACHER: Hmm.
LAUREN: Why?
TEACHER: Your reputation precedes you.
LAUREN: Innit though
TEACHER: So, Shakespeare's sonnets?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?sonnet is a poem?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?written in 14 lines?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?the last two of which?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?must form a rhyming couplet.
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: Yes, Lauren?
LAUREN: Can I ask you a question?
TEACHER: Not just now.
LAUREN: Can I ask you a question now?
TEACHER: Just wait.
LAUREN: But can I just ask you a question? I only want to ask you a question. Can't I ask you a question? I'm just asking you a question. Can't I ASK you a questionnnn?
TEACHER: What is it?
LAUREN: Are you the Doctor?
TEACHER: Doctor Who?
*class breaks out in clapping and laughter*
LAUREN: Innit though?
TEACHER: I don't know what you're talking about.
LAUREN: You look like Doctor Who though.
TEACHER: I'm not Doctor Who, I'm your English teacher.
LAUREN: I don't think you are though.
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: I think you're a 945 year old Timelord.
TEACHER: Listen?
LAUREN: Did you just pitch up from Mars?
TEACHER: Don?t be ridiculous.
LAUREN: You know your house, right?
TEACHER: What?
LAUREN: You know your house?
TEACHER: Yeah.
LAUREN: Is it bigger on the inside?
TEACHER: Be quiet.
LAUREN: Did you park the TARDIS on a meter?
TEACHER: Can we please get back to Shakespeare? *LAUREN sits back quiet* Thank you. So?
LAUREN: Do you fancy Billie Piper, sir?
TEACHER: Right? *stands up* You are the most insolent child I've ever had the misfortune to teach.
LAUREN: Thank you.
TEACHER: You're pointless, repetitious, and extremely dull.
LAUREN: Bit like Shakespeare.
TEACHER: You are not even worthy to mention his name. William Shakesp - William Shakespeare was a genius. You, little madam, are definitely not. Now just sit there, keep your mouth shut, or I will fail you in this whole module, right now.
LAUREN: Ammist I bovvered?
TEACHER: What?
LAUREN: Ammist I bovvered, forsooth?
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: Looketh at my face.
TEACHER: I don't?
LAUREN: Looketh at my face!
TEACHER: Stop it.
LAUREN: Is this a bovvered face, thou seeth before thee?
TEACHER: All right, I?m calling your parents.
LAUREN: Are you disrespecting the house of Cooper?! Are thou calling my mother a pox ridden wench?
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: Are thou calling my father a goodly rotten apple?
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: But he ain't even a goodly rotten apple.
TEACHER: Listen to me.
LAUREN: But he ain't even a goodly rotten apple, though.
TEACHER: That's enough.
LAUREN: Face is
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: Bovvered
TEACHER: Lauren, enough.
LAUREN: Look at it.
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: Look at it.
TEACHER: Stop.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: That's it.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: Stop.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: Bovvered?
TEACHER: Enough
LAUREN: Face is?
TEACHER: No more.
LAUREN: Bovvered?
TEACHER: That's it.
LAUREN: *in Scottish accent* You take the high road, I'll take the low road. *regular voice* I'm not bovvered. I'm not bovvered. Look, face, bovvered. Bovvered. Face. Bovvered. I ain't even bovvered. My liege, I be not bovvered. Forsooth, I be not bovvered. Face, bovvered, I don't bovvered, face, bovvered, Shakespeare, sonnets, I ain't even bovvered. "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun. Coral is far more red than her lips' red; If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damask'd, red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks; And in some perfumes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know, That music hath a far more pleasing sound; I grant I never saw a goddess go; My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground. And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare, As any she belied with false compare." Bite me, alien boy!
TEACHER: *reaches into his jacket, pulls out a SONIC SCREWDRIVER and points it at LAUREN. As it sounds and shines bright blue, LAUREN'S image begins to waver until she disappears entirely, leaving a Rose action figure in her place. STUDENT looks shocked.* That's better. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
LAUREN/ROSE ACTION FIGURE: *high pitched voice* I still ain't bovvered!
(from the Urban Dictionary: Basically means: "I don't care!" Katherine Tate has her own TV show in England, and Lauren is a recurring character. "I ain't bovvered" is her 'standard phrase'.)
She'll be allowed to be THIS obnoxious.
Not a spoiler; not from Who.
"David Tennant is Catherine Tate's new English teacher in a sketch performed for Comic Relief 2007."
FRIGGIN' HYSTERICAL!!!!!
*open up on LAUREN (Catherine Tate) and other STUDENT sitting at a table*
STUDENT: I can't believe we got double English
LAUREN: English is well dry.
STUDENT: I don't see what's so great about reading anyways.
LAUREN: No, reading's for looooosers.
STUDENT: Innit though? At least we've got a new teacher today.
LAUREN: Yeah, right, that'll be a laugh, wouldn't it?
*enter new TEACHER (David Tennant)*
TEACHER: *with Scottish accent* Morning
CLASS: Allllll right
TEACHER: As I'm sure you're aware, my name is Mr. Logan. I'm your new English teacher. Nice to meet you all. Hope you're all ready to get to grips with some Elizabethan literature. Let's all turn to page 53 in our poetry text books. I think we'll dive straight in with the bard himself.
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: Yeah?
LAUREN: Are you English, sir?
TEACHER: No, I'm Scottish
LAUREN: So you ain't English then.
TEACHER: No, I'm British.
LAUREN: So you ain't English then.
TEACHER: No, I'm not, but as you can see, I do speak English.
LAUREN: But I can't understand what you're saying, sir.
TEACHER: Well, clearly, you can.
LAUREN: Sorry, are you talking Scottish now?
TEACHER: No, I'm talking English.
LAUREN: Right, but don't sound like it.
TEACHER: Okay, whatever you want. Now, let's get on with Shakespeare.
LAUREN: I don't think you?re qualified to teach us English.
TEACHER: I am perfectly qualified to teach English.
LAUREN: I don't think you are though.
TEACHER: You don't have to be English to teach it.
LAUREN: Right. Have we got double English or double Scottish?
TEACHER: Is your name Lauren Cooper, by any chance?
LAUREN: Yeah.
TEACHER: Hmm.
LAUREN: Why?
TEACHER: Your reputation precedes you.
LAUREN: Innit though
TEACHER: So, Shakespeare's sonnets?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?sonnet is a poem?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?written in 14 lines?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?the last two of which?
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: ?must form a rhyming couplet.
LAUREN: Sir?
TEACHER: Yes, Lauren?
LAUREN: Can I ask you a question?
TEACHER: Not just now.
LAUREN: Can I ask you a question now?
TEACHER: Just wait.
LAUREN: But can I just ask you a question? I only want to ask you a question. Can't I ask you a question? I'm just asking you a question. Can't I ASK you a questionnnn?
TEACHER: What is it?
LAUREN: Are you the Doctor?
TEACHER: Doctor Who?
*class breaks out in clapping and laughter*
LAUREN: Innit though?
TEACHER: I don't know what you're talking about.
LAUREN: You look like Doctor Who though.
TEACHER: I'm not Doctor Who, I'm your English teacher.
LAUREN: I don't think you are though.
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: I think you're a 945 year old Timelord.
TEACHER: Listen?
LAUREN: Did you just pitch up from Mars?
TEACHER: Don?t be ridiculous.
LAUREN: You know your house, right?
TEACHER: What?
LAUREN: You know your house?
TEACHER: Yeah.
LAUREN: Is it bigger on the inside?
TEACHER: Be quiet.
LAUREN: Did you park the TARDIS on a meter?
TEACHER: Can we please get back to Shakespeare? *LAUREN sits back quiet* Thank you. So?
LAUREN: Do you fancy Billie Piper, sir?
TEACHER: Right? *stands up* You are the most insolent child I've ever had the misfortune to teach.
LAUREN: Thank you.
TEACHER: You're pointless, repetitious, and extremely dull.
LAUREN: Bit like Shakespeare.
TEACHER: You are not even worthy to mention his name. William Shakesp - William Shakespeare was a genius. You, little madam, are definitely not. Now just sit there, keep your mouth shut, or I will fail you in this whole module, right now.
LAUREN: Ammist I bovvered?
TEACHER: What?
LAUREN: Ammist I bovvered, forsooth?
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: Looketh at my face.
TEACHER: I don't?
LAUREN: Looketh at my face!
TEACHER: Stop it.
LAUREN: Is this a bovvered face, thou seeth before thee?
TEACHER: All right, I?m calling your parents.
LAUREN: Are you disrespecting the house of Cooper?! Are thou calling my mother a pox ridden wench?
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: Are thou calling my father a goodly rotten apple?
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: But he ain't even a goodly rotten apple.
TEACHER: Listen to me.
LAUREN: But he ain't even a goodly rotten apple, though.
TEACHER: That's enough.
LAUREN: Face is
TEACHER: Lauren?
LAUREN: Bovvered
TEACHER: Lauren, enough.
LAUREN: Look at it.
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: Look at it.
TEACHER: Stop.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: That's it.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: Stop.
LAUREN: My liege?
TEACHER: Enough.
LAUREN: Bovvered?
TEACHER: Enough
LAUREN: Face is?
TEACHER: No more.
LAUREN: Bovvered?
TEACHER: That's it.
LAUREN: *in Scottish accent* You take the high road, I'll take the low road. *regular voice* I'm not bovvered. I'm not bovvered. Look, face, bovvered. Bovvered. Face. Bovvered. I ain't even bovvered. My liege, I be not bovvered. Forsooth, I be not bovvered. Face, bovvered, I don't bovvered, face, bovvered, Shakespeare, sonnets, I ain't even bovvered. "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun. Coral is far more red than her lips' red; If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damask'd, red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks; And in some perfumes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know, That music hath a far more pleasing sound; I grant I never saw a goddess go; My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground. And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare, As any she belied with false compare." Bite me, alien boy!
TEACHER: *reaches into his jacket, pulls out a SONIC SCREWDRIVER and points it at LAUREN. As it sounds and shines bright blue, LAUREN'S image begins to waver until she disappears entirely, leaving a Rose action figure in her place. STUDENT looks shocked.* That's better. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
LAUREN/ROSE ACTION FIGURE: *high pitched voice* I still ain't bovvered!
(from the Urban Dictionary: Basically means: "I don't care!" Katherine Tate has her own TV show in England, and Lauren is a recurring character. "I ain't bovvered" is her 'standard phrase'.)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 09:39 pm (UTC)Susan
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 09:46 pm (UTC)"Bite Me, Alien Boy!" HA!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 11:22 pm (UTC)you should see...
Date: 2008-04-09 01:42 am (UTC)and the piece she did performing for the queen.
sad that most americans can't understand it. of course, the speak my language--- proper mancunian slang. :)
too fucking funny.
Re: you should see...
Date: 2008-04-09 01:50 am (UTC)In this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ-hPQVDCGE&feature=related
She discusses trying to adopt a cat, and how she was told, "This one has a problem...it's ginger."
Hysterical, and very enlightening!
ETA to (embarrassingly) add: I *did* need to go find the transcript for the first bit because there were just a few words I could *not* make out. Eep!
and by the way....
Date: 2008-04-09 01:43 am (UTC)of the Tate Museum Family.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 12:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-09 06:15 pm (UTC)Have you seen the Comic Relief sketch she did as Lauren with Blair? (I'd link it, but YouTube is acting up.)