Mother's Day

[elionwyr]

When I was a child, I remember taking Mother's Day rather seriously...carefully shopping for tiny gifts for my stepmother at the local Boscov's is a vivid memory.

So is having nearly every small trinket returned to me.

Years later, I was shown a letter from my stepmother where she wrote about her displeasure that my brother and I called her 'mom,' that she wouldn't have wanted her kids to call anyone else 'mom.' It was..educational, shall we say.

I'm sure my mementos of the day to my mom were better received. I've realized this week that I stopped thinking much about this holiday, and I've promised to do better with her. I can't blame it all on those negative memories around another woman, though.

Here's the deal:
When you're a stepmom, you tread on shaky ground. You're not mom. You are taking on a role because you love that child. And if you go through a divorce, you don't stop loving the child, but...
I haven't seen or spoken to the child I loved before I loved her father in, what, 8 years. Someone else is her stepmom. I still love her. She knows how to contact me. She hasn't. I of course respect that.

There's no place in Mother's Day for an ex-stepmom.

Here's the more complicated deal:
When you become pregnant and you choose to not be a mother, there is also no place for you on this day, either.

I used to have friends that would send me cards on Mother's Day - not because of my decisions, but because of how I treated my circle of friends. That was very sweet, and rather precious. My ex used to make sure I got gifts on the day from his daughter, which was also very sweet, and always a surprise.

But this isn't a holiday I think about very much, or put energy into remembering for others. It probably makes me a not-so-good friend to the moms in my life, and it's not an intentional disrespect.

It's just complicated.
It's very complicated.

Comments

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

I hear you. <3

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

<3

[adelheid-p.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry this day has been tough for you. I think you care very much about the people in your life and especially for those with children, especially those undergoing familial complications. I wish I could make this less difficult for you. You've been a good friend to me (even though you met me after my child became an adult).

*hugs*

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

It's only difficult when I stop and pay attention. Denial is a lovely tool. :)

*hugs back* Thanks for your kind words, honey.

[janusaries.livejournal.com]

((HUG))

Another "ex-stepmom."

[kostika.livejournal.com]

Moms aren't always just (or even ever) the ones who give birth to us. They are the ones who love and care for us. They are the ones that give us the Mother's Love, even if they don't have to or aren't the ones who brought us into this world.