Everything old is new again.
Mar. 14th, 2011 07:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elionwyrSomething I learned from my dysfunctional family: You don't actually have to be present in a situation to play a role in said position. I've had a lot of truly bizarre actions accredited to me. One of the best was an attempt to kidnap my half brother because...um...I invited him to go to lunch with my brother, some friends, and me, and left a note saying, "Hey, we're taking Charlie with us - we'll be back in an hour or so."
As it turned out, Charlie was actually grounded and hadn't told me that. So, yeah, my bad, because had I known, the invite wouldn't have been extended; but it convoluted into something so far removed from reality that it was pretty laughable.
When this puppet syndrome resurfaces in my life, it maddens me. It's hard, so hard, to not react...especially when one of my constant goals is to analyze how my interactions affect those around me. I alone am responsible for my actions, my decisions, the way I allow my emotions to affect my world.
I don't understand why this isn't true of everyone. I think it is in part why I am too often Peter on the rock*, wounded by a Hook who shows bad form and cheats. I'm still not very good at responding adequately, but I'm learning better how to get back up on my feet rather than cling to the rock and allow Hook to take another swipe at me.
If I could have just one thing from the world around me, it would be to be judged strictly on what you know of me, as opposed to what others say.
I am fortunate in that, at long last, I have a group of loved ones who do just that.
*...It was then that Hook bit him.
Not the pain of this but its unfairness was what dazed Peter. It made him quite helpless. He could only stare, horrified. Every child is affected thus the first time he is treated unfairly. All he thinks he has a right to when he comes to you to be yours is fairness. After you have been unfair to him he will love you again, but will never afterwards be quite the same boy. No one ever gets over the first unfairness; no one except Peter. He often met it, but he always forgot it. I suppose that was the real difference between him and all the rest.
So when he met it now it was like the first time; and he could just stare, helpless. Twice the iron hand clawed him.
As it turned out, Charlie was actually grounded and hadn't told me that. So, yeah, my bad, because had I known, the invite wouldn't have been extended; but it convoluted into something so far removed from reality that it was pretty laughable.
When this puppet syndrome resurfaces in my life, it maddens me. It's hard, so hard, to not react...especially when one of my constant goals is to analyze how my interactions affect those around me. I alone am responsible for my actions, my decisions, the way I allow my emotions to affect my world.
I don't understand why this isn't true of everyone. I think it is in part why I am too often Peter on the rock*, wounded by a Hook who shows bad form and cheats. I'm still not very good at responding adequately, but I'm learning better how to get back up on my feet rather than cling to the rock and allow Hook to take another swipe at me.
If I could have just one thing from the world around me, it would be to be judged strictly on what you know of me, as opposed to what others say.
I am fortunate in that, at long last, I have a group of loved ones who do just that.
*...It was then that Hook bit him.
Not the pain of this but its unfairness was what dazed Peter. It made him quite helpless. He could only stare, horrified. Every child is affected thus the first time he is treated unfairly. All he thinks he has a right to when he comes to you to be yours is fairness. After you have been unfair to him he will love you again, but will never afterwards be quite the same boy. No one ever gets over the first unfairness; no one except Peter. He often met it, but he always forgot it. I suppose that was the real difference between him and all the rest.
So when he met it now it was like the first time; and he could just stare, helpless. Twice the iron hand clawed him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-03-14 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 04:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 12:12 am (UTC)Oh, I'm sorry you're going through this. The Peter Pan quote is often how I feel as well.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 04:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 02:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 04:29 am (UTC)