what we wish we could do
Feb. 23rd, 2003 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elionwyrMy stepmother accused me of being a sneaky child.
Mind you, I don't think I was. I was, generally speaking, too honest and too afraid of being caught to do anything bad pretty much ever. I'd watch my brother get in trouble for his curiosity and his mischief, watch the consequences, and decide that it was better to be good.
And then there came my teen years, when I was faced with a choice: Move to Philadelphia and be with my mother, or stay with my dad and stepmother and not only turn against my mom, but not speak to her until I graduated from high school. If then.
I was told to call my mom and pick fights with her while my stepmother listened in. I had a lot of lies told to me and - to my shame - I believed some of them.
My mom, trying to do what she thought was best for me, said yes, we shouldn't speak. She told me to do whatever I needed to do to get through those three years - believe whatever, say whatever. We'd be ok at the end of it.
I tried. But...I was at a time in my life when I really needed her. She ended up giving me a calling card number that would charge calls directly to her phone account, and I called her sporadically from pay phones. She sent letters to my best friends' homes.
I became sneaky out of necessity. And it saved my life.
Mind you, I don't think I was. I was, generally speaking, too honest and too afraid of being caught to do anything bad pretty much ever. I'd watch my brother get in trouble for his curiosity and his mischief, watch the consequences, and decide that it was better to be good.
And then there came my teen years, when I was faced with a choice: Move to Philadelphia and be with my mother, or stay with my dad and stepmother and not only turn against my mom, but not speak to her until I graduated from high school. If then.
I was told to call my mom and pick fights with her while my stepmother listened in. I had a lot of lies told to me and - to my shame - I believed some of them.
My mom, trying to do what she thought was best for me, said yes, we shouldn't speak. She told me to do whatever I needed to do to get through those three years - believe whatever, say whatever. We'd be ok at the end of it.
I tried. But...I was at a time in my life when I really needed her. She ended up giving me a calling card number that would charge calls directly to her phone account, and I called her sporadically from pay phones. She sent letters to my best friends' homes.
I became sneaky out of necessity. And it saved my life.