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on privacy and boundaries
Jan. 27th, 2011 09:00 pmThose of you that are paying attention will note that I don't make a lot of public posts.
The blog entries I share that are not locked to LJ members only are shared very deliberately. I miss the days of writing things more fit for general public consumption, but stopped doing so primarily because of having a now-ex-employer/friend make it very clear that he was having my blog monitored for reasons that are still murky to me. My feeling was (and is) that if we're close in the physical world, you don't really need to check up on me here. These words are mostly for those that don't have close contact with me.
Facebook has filled that niche for me in ways that LJ simply couldn't, and my need for public writing isn't as strong as it used to be.
A comment was made to me recently that by reading my blog, it was possible to know me on a pretty intimate level without the need for discussion. This isn't entirely true. You know the public stories I choose to share. (Want the rest? Open an LJ account, bolster it with a friendship with me, and you'll get to read more.)
But ya know, I have to admit I was a little surprised that the person in question had been reading through my LJ. I don't know when he started, I don't know how far back he went. (A lot of the history here is really locked down as a result of that ex boss/friend I mentioned above.) And, ultimately, it seems he didn't know me as well as he'd thought...which is not a discussion point in this entry, really.
So here's the deal: Yes, things posted publicly exist to be read; and yes, things written online only have a certain degree of privacy. One should, in general, keep in mind there's always the potential for a second audience, whether you've written a blog entry or an email.
But where does reading-because-you're-curious cross over into stalking?
We joke about internet stalking. We scan each other's Facebooks and personal websites and blogs, gleaning information about each other. I don't consider that stalking; I consider that a part of howe we in this culture get to know each other from a distance. (But then, I've been honest-to-goodness stalked. It changes your perspective. A lot.)
And obviously I can't define to you, Gentle Readers, where that privacy/comfort line falls for you. For me? I'm a control freak. I control what data I put out here, and I've been online for over 20 years now. I think I have a good handle on this internet thing by now. I'm invariably told that the person I am in person is pretty much the person I am in this electronic life. But there's a whole lot more to me than what these pixels present. As is true of us all.
Boundaries. We are all in general such isolated creatures. We walk with our iPods singing in our ears or our Bluetooths and celphones keeping us in touch with the people that are not directly in front of us. So many of us create our very own isolation chambers, keeping us from touching the world we pass through on our way to and from work or while out on errands. Are we any less lonely?
And, boundaries. I see so much damage done because we overanticipate each other's reactions to what might be a difficult situation rather than just talking to each other. We love, and we care, and we don't want to hurt each other, and so we create these complicated knots of avoidance because we're so afraid the other person might react to a hurt we didn't mean to inflict.
Sometimes talking is the scariest damn thing we can do.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.
The blog entries I share that are not locked to LJ members only are shared very deliberately. I miss the days of writing things more fit for general public consumption, but stopped doing so primarily because of having a now-ex-employer/friend make it very clear that he was having my blog monitored for reasons that are still murky to me. My feeling was (and is) that if we're close in the physical world, you don't really need to check up on me here. These words are mostly for those that don't have close contact with me.
Facebook has filled that niche for me in ways that LJ simply couldn't, and my need for public writing isn't as strong as it used to be.
A comment was made to me recently that by reading my blog, it was possible to know me on a pretty intimate level without the need for discussion. This isn't entirely true. You know the public stories I choose to share. (Want the rest? Open an LJ account, bolster it with a friendship with me, and you'll get to read more.)
But ya know, I have to admit I was a little surprised that the person in question had been reading through my LJ. I don't know when he started, I don't know how far back he went. (A lot of the history here is really locked down as a result of that ex boss/friend I mentioned above.) And, ultimately, it seems he didn't know me as well as he'd thought...which is not a discussion point in this entry, really.
So here's the deal: Yes, things posted publicly exist to be read; and yes, things written online only have a certain degree of privacy. One should, in general, keep in mind there's always the potential for a second audience, whether you've written a blog entry or an email.
But where does reading-because-you're-curious cross over into stalking?
We joke about internet stalking. We scan each other's Facebooks and personal websites and blogs, gleaning information about each other. I don't consider that stalking; I consider that a part of howe we in this culture get to know each other from a distance. (But then, I've been honest-to-goodness stalked. It changes your perspective. A lot.)
And obviously I can't define to you, Gentle Readers, where that privacy/comfort line falls for you. For me? I'm a control freak. I control what data I put out here, and I've been online for over 20 years now. I think I have a good handle on this internet thing by now. I'm invariably told that the person I am in person is pretty much the person I am in this electronic life. But there's a whole lot more to me than what these pixels present. As is true of us all.
Boundaries. We are all in general such isolated creatures. We walk with our iPods singing in our ears or our Bluetooths and celphones keeping us in touch with the people that are not directly in front of us. So many of us create our very own isolation chambers, keeping us from touching the world we pass through on our way to and from work or while out on errands. Are we any less lonely?
And, boundaries. I see so much damage done because we overanticipate each other's reactions to what might be a difficult situation rather than just talking to each other. We love, and we care, and we don't want to hurt each other, and so we create these complicated knots of avoidance because we're so afraid the other person might react to a hurt we didn't mean to inflict.
Sometimes talking is the scariest damn thing we can do.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.
