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How to Hang Camo Netting
Oct. 5th, 2009 02:53 pm(I wrote this a year or two ago, but hey..tis the season, and it provides some insight into the life of a haunter.)
How to Hang Camo Netting
Need to create the illusion of a ceiling? Camo netting may be the answer to your pseudo-ceiling needs!
Let's pretend you already have some of this lovely faux plant stuff, and you have, say, a hallway in an outdoor maze to hang it over.
You will need:
* camo (military is best)
* an industrial strength stapler
* a box of staples
* a bag of cable ties
* a ladder
* alcohol
1. Carry camo netting container to the area you plan to cover.
2. Release the camo from its container.
3. Attempt to untangle the camo from itself.
4. Curse a lot.
5. An hour later, finish stretching the camo out along the path of the area you wish to cover.
(Extra points for the number of times you realize the piece of camo you've selected doesn't actually fit the space.)
6. Lift end of camo up to the top of the wall with the aid of the ladder and, using the stapler, fasten an edge of the camo to the wall.
7. Stretch the camo to the other side of the hallway. Staple the camo to that wall.
8. Start to pull the camo along the tops of the walls, stapling as you go.
9. Drop your stapler.
10. Curse.
11. Go get your stapler and start working again.
12. Drop your box of staples.
13. Curse.
14. Pick up the staples, move the ladder while you're down there, and start to work on a new section of camo.
(Extra points if you put the ladder on top of the camo.)
15. Realize you've left the stapler at your last work location.
16. Curse.
17. Go get your stapler. Hug the camo netting to your chest and climb back up the ladder, moving the camo further down the hallway.
18. Discover, as you're stapling, that the camo is somehow working its way diagonally down the hall instead of straight across as you'd planned.
19. Keep working anyway.
20. Realize your arms are starting to itch from bare-skin contact with the camo.
21. Keep working anyway.
22. Staple through a power line, speaker cable or airhose that was running along the top of the wall and cleverly hidden by the camo.
(Extra points if you staple through all three at once.)
23. Curse loudly and with much vigor.
24. Take a swig of the alcohol.
25. Fix the holes in whatever the hell you just stapled through. Keep working.
(Extra points if you manage to fall off or slide down the ladder at any point during this adventure.)
26. Reach the end of the hallway. Climb down off your ladder. Look up.
27. Discover that, because the camo went off on a funky angle, you have a huge section of hall with no camo covering it.
28. Contemplate redoing the hallway.
29. Curse.
30. Begin to strongly suspect that the camo is actually a sentient being. That hates you. A lot.
31. Go find a scrap of camo. Using the ladder, staple gun, and LOTS of cable ties, connect the scrap of camo to the full sheet to hide the hole.
32. Drink the rest of the alcohol, scratch your arms, go take a shower.
Rinse, repeat.
Welcome to haunting!
Need to create the illusion of a ceiling? Camo netting may be the answer to your pseudo-ceiling needs!
Let's pretend you already have some of this lovely faux plant stuff, and you have, say, a hallway in an outdoor maze to hang it over.
You will need:
* camo (military is best)
* an industrial strength stapler
* a box of staples
* a bag of cable ties
* a ladder
* alcohol
1. Carry camo netting container to the area you plan to cover.
2. Release the camo from its container.
3. Attempt to untangle the camo from itself.
4. Curse a lot.
5. An hour later, finish stretching the camo out along the path of the area you wish to cover.
(Extra points for the number of times you realize the piece of camo you've selected doesn't actually fit the space.)
6. Lift end of camo up to the top of the wall with the aid of the ladder and, using the stapler, fasten an edge of the camo to the wall.
7. Stretch the camo to the other side of the hallway. Staple the camo to that wall.
8. Start to pull the camo along the tops of the walls, stapling as you go.
9. Drop your stapler.
10. Curse.
11. Go get your stapler and start working again.
12. Drop your box of staples.
13. Curse.
14. Pick up the staples, move the ladder while you're down there, and start to work on a new section of camo.
(Extra points if you put the ladder on top of the camo.)
15. Realize you've left the stapler at your last work location.
16. Curse.
17. Go get your stapler. Hug the camo netting to your chest and climb back up the ladder, moving the camo further down the hallway.
18. Discover, as you're stapling, that the camo is somehow working its way diagonally down the hall instead of straight across as you'd planned.
19. Keep working anyway.
20. Realize your arms are starting to itch from bare-skin contact with the camo.
21. Keep working anyway.
22. Staple through a power line, speaker cable or airhose that was running along the top of the wall and cleverly hidden by the camo.
(Extra points if you staple through all three at once.)
23. Curse loudly and with much vigor.
24. Take a swig of the alcohol.
25. Fix the holes in whatever the hell you just stapled through. Keep working.
(Extra points if you manage to fall off or slide down the ladder at any point during this adventure.)
26. Reach the end of the hallway. Climb down off your ladder. Look up.
27. Discover that, because the camo went off on a funky angle, you have a huge section of hall with no camo covering it.
28. Contemplate redoing the hallway.
29. Curse.
30. Begin to strongly suspect that the camo is actually a sentient being. That hates you. A lot.
31. Go find a scrap of camo. Using the ladder, staple gun, and LOTS of cable ties, connect the scrap of camo to the full sheet to hide the hole.
32. Drink the rest of the alcohol, scratch your arms, go take a shower.
Rinse, repeat.
Welcome to haunting!
