elionwyr | There are squirrels in my head. (Reply)

Several years ago, in Philadelphia,

raaven introduced me to Foamy the Squirrel. (I have since gone on to warp The Scholar's mind a little further than it was naturally by bringing the manic rodent to his attention.)

I liked squirrels just fine. I owned a bunch of chinchillas, which look a lot like exotic squirrels. And I've always talked fast. So I suppose that my relating to Foamy was an obvious, but it didn't actually click for me until I found myself chittering angry thoughts one night as I was leaving the zoo.

I called

raaven. "Oh my GOD. The voice in my head is FOAMY. This is YOUR fault!"

Flash forward a few years. I've moved to western PA and I'm working on a project given to me by my haunt boss. It's a..shall we say ill-advised task. I was to go over lengths of rusted-out fencing and attempt to knock the finials off of the tops.

Anyone who knows anything about the finials on such things knows they are welded onto the tops of the fencing, and so the weakest point is not the weld..it's the thinnest part of the metal.

But! I am a good little solider, oh yes I am, and I tried to do as I was asked.

And the finials kept breaking in half.

I went back and asked for some advice.

"Try using a screwdriver as a wedge against the weld."

Oooookay.

This did not work. (Tell me you're surprised.)

Both frantic and frustrated, the last thing I needed to see was the boss walk up to me with another man, talking and laughing. Because clearly they must be laughing at my expense.

"So how's it going?"

This, Gentle Readers, was the only time I actually got angry at the boss in question and reamed him out.

Unfortunately? I was channeling Foamy the squirrel at the time.

All that anyone heard was, "CHITTER CHITTER CHITTER CHITTER CHITTER fuck you fuck you fuck you!!"

And then I ran away.

Because that's how I roll.

*facepalm*

It wasn't until I'd gone home and looked at the calendar that I realized what part of the problem had been.

The date? September 18th.

The day I did the impractical, the impossible, back in 2000.

The day I got married.

*facepalm redux*