Looking at the other comments, I will observe (and disagree with some folks)that I don't think it's unhealthy to occasionally check in on someone who's now out of your life. Not necessarily healthy, either, though. It depends on how often, when, and why. Someone who is a known danger, for example -- good to know if/when they're likely to be in town/show up at your favorite club/attend your performance/court your best friend.
On the other hand, I don't want to know. If you feel a need to comment to their blog/friend them on Facebook/discuss their life with everyone you know, then it's probably a good idea to sit down with a good friend and discuss this, for a reality check.
Two tangentially related things:
1)someone added my LJ to their reading list recently, and commented in such a way that it sounds as if they knew me in the past. However, they've not identified themself ("Hey, I'm Ruthven; we knew each other from the Murgatroyd estate parties," or whatever), and they commented in an unpleasantly provocative style. I know it's not an ex-lover, but I don't recognize or remember them, and I'm annoyed/skeeved by the approach.
2) My Dubious Ex, every so often, tries a different approach to contact me. Occasionally I google for him, to see what communities he's hanging out in these days, because his approaches are annoying and designed to pressure me, and I'd rather be braced for them.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 08:36 pm (UTC)On the other hand, I don't want to know. If you feel a need to comment to their blog/friend them on Facebook/discuss their life with everyone you know, then it's probably a good idea to sit down with a good friend and discuss this, for a reality check.
Two tangentially related things:
1)someone added my LJ to their reading list recently, and commented in such a way that it sounds as if they knew me in the past. However, they've not identified themself ("Hey, I'm Ruthven; we knew each other from the Murgatroyd estate parties," or whatever), and they commented in an unpleasantly provocative style. I know it's not an ex-lover, but I don't recognize or remember them, and I'm annoyed/skeeved by the approach.
2) My Dubious Ex, every so often, tries a different approach to contact me. Occasionally I google for him, to see what communities he's hanging out in these days, because his approaches are annoying and designed to pressure me, and I'd rather be braced for them.