wow..I've lived this..

School Night
- Ani Difranco

she went over to his apartment
clutching her decision
and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination
and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window
of her reply
and she felt like an actress
just reading her lines
when she finally said
yes. it's really goodbye this time
and far below was the blacktop
and the tiny toy cars
and it all fell so fast
and it all fell so far

and she said:
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm lookin' for my door key
but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is but one of my truths

what of the mother
whose house is in flames
and both of her children
are in their beds crying
and she loves them both
with the whole of her heart
but she knows she can only
carry one at a time?
she's choking on the smoke
of unthinkable choices
she is haunted by the voices
of so many desires
she's bent over from the business
of begging forgiveness
while frantically running around
putting out fires

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is just one of my truths

so i
i'm goin' home
to please the one i so love pleasing
and i don't expect
he'll have much sympathy for my grieving
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privilege
of living for even a day
in a world with so many things
worth believing
in

strange weekend

We have a weekend guest, sorta last-minute...Stacy, an ex-Academy employee who moved to DC to be with her LD boyfriend (a relationship which broke up about 6 months later)..now she's lonely and wanting to come back, so she sporatically drives up here, crashes with us, and either works at the museum part time or runs to the NJ shore with other museum people.

So she came over, and Maura stopped by, and we watched "Fishing with Gandhi" again - a movie I can't say I like, necessarily, but I think it's sorta interesting, and stupid enough to be funny (sorta a low-budget modern day interpretation of Hamlet) (sorta). But Maura and Ferret are very hooked on it. So we watched it again. (http://www.medianugget.com/archive/20000228.html)(www.royandgil.com)

Ferret, I forgot to mention, cut off his hair last week. 8( He went to the Hair Cuttery, and they butchered the cut, but left a ponytail - so he had a mullet. Maura offered to cut it off; finally his coworkers took a vote, and the mullet lost. So now he's simply sporting a short cut.
..And yes, it's one more reason for me to NOT get a hair cut. Even though I need one rather badly. They just did *such* a bad job.

We visited Ferret's mom today - she sprained her ankle at work, which inflamed and became a royal mess - she's saying she broke it, but when she actually tells the story, there is no breakage, there is just swollen foot..and big story. But amazingly enough, both his brother and grandmother were home (they all live on the same block/street), so we got a lot of family visiting in.

I am realizing that I simply can't afford to go to the Ohio Haunted Conference..which is a bummer. But it's realistic. On the other hand, the trip to Sleepy Hollow has gotten longer, because my ride plans on staying in NY until Monday night - apparently people want to visit Jeckyll and Hyde in NYC - I visited the now-closed one in Chicago, but there's still an appeal, so..eh. It'll be fun. And it'll be a belated birthday gift to myself (as the convergence trips usually are).

I'm still feeling restless, uncomfortable in my own skin, with my own body. Hard to describe. But Maura's sorta having the same feelings, so perhaps it's not just me. Still..just weird. Like, I find myself wanting to call people and just chat..something I simply Do.Not.Do.

Oh - and so I don't forget - she suggested I ask my doctor about a relatively new birth control pill, Yasmin - it has no testosterone in it, and has helped her a lot with the curse of hormonal mood swings. Sure can't hurt, I suppose...

(..And yes. This was a post about nothing, really.)

this morning's quote

Him: You're adorable in the morning...but you look like a mental patient. Go take a shower.