on the topic of abortion
Jan. 28th, 2009 09:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elionwyrThis is the post I've never wanted to write.
I'm going to put a cut here, so you don't have to read if you don't want to. This is about abortion; you should have a choice.
In case you choose not to read, here's a quick summary:
* Abortion is never easy.
* There will always be a reason to terminate pregnancies.
* Men need to be more responsible about the part they play in pregnancy...regardless of the outcome.
I have much personal knowledge about abortion...from holding a friend's hand and giving her the money for the procedure to having my own hand held.
I have looked around clinics and seen women supporting their friends, daughters, granddaughters. I have seen very few men in those waiting rooms. I have heard very few men mark the passage of time afterwards - "This year, my child would be entering high school." Ironically, it is men that I have heard treat abortion like it doesn't matter*, like that possiblity of life doesn't matter. I have been told, "I'm over it. You should be, too."
The old men stir listlessly outside the clinic.
"Don't kill your baby," they plead as you and your friend walk past their vague protest line on this chilly winter day. "Your baby's life is precious."
The friend by your side holds your arm. "Her life is precious, too," she replies as she guides you through the door.
Back in the '90's, I remember reading that doctors weren't being taught how to perform D&Cs. This thought terrifies me still. Imagine needing the procedure, as some do after a miscarriage, and having doctors who cannot help you. This news came to me at around the same time doctors were being shot as they left planned parenthood clinics.
The guard downstairs frisks you.
You swallow the nausea one more time.
We are told that abortion is easy - it's an easy choice, it's a measure of not caring about the possibility of life.
You look at the counselor's face.
You look away, down at your hands, at the signs of support left by past patients and taped to the wall. You look anywhere except into her eyes.
"This..isn't an easy choice. I'm not doing this lightly."
She sighs. "I haven't met a woman yet that has said otherwise."
Pregnancy changes you. The minute that test comes back positive, you are changed. And if you are forced to choose to end the pregnancy - perhaps for medical reasons, perhaps for some other reason - it's not just your emotions you have to deal with. It's the look in your best friend's eyes when you tell her, no, this isn't a happy time. It's the mask you see settle over your partner's face as you discuss what happens next.
"You have a choice," the counselor tells you.
You wait.
"You can have a medical abortion or a surgical one."
Medical abortions get confused with the Plan B pill. Plan B is not an abortion. If you're pregnant, it's not going to change your condition; what it *will* do is induce your menstrual cycle to come earlier. If you're pregnant, there's no evidence that it will hurt your fetus. Plan B is available over the counter, though it's expensive.
A medical abortion, RU486, is a series of medications you take that will induce a miscarriage. It is less invasive than a D&C; however, it means you will go home, swallow medications, and wait, up to a week, for your fetus to die. It's not generally covered by insurance.
Though it can be dangerous, the most common form of abortion is still surgical. Sometimes, this is covered by your insurance.
The doctor checks the ultrasound machine, checking position, checking approximate age, before he goes any further with the procedure.
Doctors aren't always right about the age of your fetus. If you get to the clinic and your fetus is over 9 weeks old, you must have a surgical abortion. If you're past the first trimester, the procedure will take place in two parts that spans two days..the first part allows the cervix to be expanded; the second part will be the D&C itself.
Lidocaine is swabbed across your cervix. The cool numb feeling is unexpected; the numbness doesn't last long enough.
The doctor starts the procedure.
"This part is going to hurt the most."
"I don't know, doc..this has all hurt a lot so far," you gasp, flinching away.
The nurse holds your hand tighter. "Squeeze as hard as you need to."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you gasp, clinging to her like a life raft.
Some clinics will give you the option to be put under during the procedure. It costs more, of course. These clinics may also offer candlelit rooms, trying to soothe you, trying to make this not so terrifying. Other clinics may offer you valium, to help you calm your nerves.
You try to sit up too quickly.
You see blood.
You lay back down just as quickly.
"Can you walk?"
"I...I don't know."
The nurse gets you a wheelchair and takes you back to the recovery room.
You are monitored, of course, to make sure you are not hemorrhaging. If you have a support person that was with you for the abortion, they won't be allowed in this room.
One by one, the beds around you are filled by other women.
Some are sobbing.
None are unaffected.
A nurse checks the pad in your underwear - 'when did my underwear get put on?' you wonder - and after 30 minutes or so, you are allowed to leave.
Afterwards, there's no easy way to explain what you've experienced. There just isn't. You support your friends that have gone through their own abortions; you mourn with them on their anniversaries; you track the passage of time. Some spend years wondering why they survived, how they survived.
You are changed.
And then you are told by someone on the news, someone in your life, that abortion is wrong - it is murder - it should be outlawed.
And you look into their eyes and you realize that this is the voice of inexperience. It's easy to judge, when it's not your life being changed, when it's not your daughter or granddaughter or friend sitting beside you in the clinic, waiting her turn, terrified.
Sometimes, abortion is necessary.
It is always - in my opinion - tragic.
Condemning, criticizing, judging - this doesn't change the fact that abortion is always going to happen..legally, illegally, herbally, secretly. Your politics and your opinions don't matter at all to that woman facing the need to terminate her pregnancy. She has enough going on inside her head and her heart, enough intimate discussions with her gods and her lover - putting the pressure of your judgment on her does absolutely no one any good.
I am exhausted by the fact that the politicians and the anti-abortionists don't understand this.
Abortion is not a political issue.
It is a health issue, and a spiritual issue, and neither of these things should be part of the political playground.
* I am not saying all men share this callousness. Please, prove me wrong - respond to this blog entry and tell me I'm wrong. I write from my experience, from what I have personally seen and heard. I would love to hear that it's not a universal truth.
I'm going to put a cut here, so you don't have to read if you don't want to. This is about abortion; you should have a choice.
In case you choose not to read, here's a quick summary:
* Abortion is never easy.
* There will always be a reason to terminate pregnancies.
* Men need to be more responsible about the part they play in pregnancy...regardless of the outcome.
I have much personal knowledge about abortion...from holding a friend's hand and giving her the money for the procedure to having my own hand held.
I have looked around clinics and seen women supporting their friends, daughters, granddaughters. I have seen very few men in those waiting rooms. I have heard very few men mark the passage of time afterwards - "This year, my child would be entering high school." Ironically, it is men that I have heard treat abortion like it doesn't matter*, like that possiblity of life doesn't matter. I have been told, "I'm over it. You should be, too."
"Don't kill your baby," they plead as you and your friend walk past their vague protest line on this chilly winter day. "Your baby's life is precious."
The friend by your side holds your arm. "Her life is precious, too," she replies as she guides you through the door.
Back in the '90's, I remember reading that doctors weren't being taught how to perform D&Cs. This thought terrifies me still. Imagine needing the procedure, as some do after a miscarriage, and having doctors who cannot help you. This news came to me at around the same time doctors were being shot as they left planned parenthood clinics.
You swallow the nausea one more time.
We are told that abortion is easy - it's an easy choice, it's a measure of not caring about the possibility of life.
You look away, down at your hands, at the signs of support left by past patients and taped to the wall. You look anywhere except into her eyes.
"This..isn't an easy choice. I'm not doing this lightly."
She sighs. "I haven't met a woman yet that has said otherwise."
Pregnancy changes you. The minute that test comes back positive, you are changed. And if you are forced to choose to end the pregnancy - perhaps for medical reasons, perhaps for some other reason - it's not just your emotions you have to deal with. It's the look in your best friend's eyes when you tell her, no, this isn't a happy time. It's the mask you see settle over your partner's face as you discuss what happens next.
You wait.
"You can have a medical abortion or a surgical one."
Medical abortions get confused with the Plan B pill. Plan B is not an abortion. If you're pregnant, it's not going to change your condition; what it *will* do is induce your menstrual cycle to come earlier. If you're pregnant, there's no evidence that it will hurt your fetus. Plan B is available over the counter, though it's expensive.
A medical abortion, RU486, is a series of medications you take that will induce a miscarriage. It is less invasive than a D&C; however, it means you will go home, swallow medications, and wait, up to a week, for your fetus to die. It's not generally covered by insurance.
Though it can be dangerous, the most common form of abortion is still surgical. Sometimes, this is covered by your insurance.
Doctors aren't always right about the age of your fetus. If you get to the clinic and your fetus is over 9 weeks old, you must have a surgical abortion. If you're past the first trimester, the procedure will take place in two parts that spans two days..the first part allows the cervix to be expanded; the second part will be the D&C itself.
The doctor starts the procedure.
"This part is going to hurt the most."
"I don't know, doc..this has all hurt a lot so far," you gasp, flinching away.
The nurse holds your hand tighter. "Squeeze as hard as you need to."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you gasp, clinging to her like a life raft.
Some clinics will give you the option to be put under during the procedure. It costs more, of course. These clinics may also offer candlelit rooms, trying to soothe you, trying to make this not so terrifying. Other clinics may offer you valium, to help you calm your nerves.
You see blood.
You lay back down just as quickly.
"Can you walk?"
"I...I don't know."
The nurse gets you a wheelchair and takes you back to the recovery room.
You are monitored, of course, to make sure you are not hemorrhaging. If you have a support person that was with you for the abortion, they won't be allowed in this room.
Some are sobbing.
None are unaffected.
A nurse checks the pad in your underwear - 'when did my underwear get put on?' you wonder - and after 30 minutes or so, you are allowed to leave.
Afterwards, there's no easy way to explain what you've experienced. There just isn't. You support your friends that have gone through their own abortions; you mourn with them on their anniversaries; you track the passage of time. Some spend years wondering why they survived, how they survived.
You are changed.
And then you are told by someone on the news, someone in your life, that abortion is wrong - it is murder - it should be outlawed.
And you look into their eyes and you realize that this is the voice of inexperience. It's easy to judge, when it's not your life being changed, when it's not your daughter or granddaughter or friend sitting beside you in the clinic, waiting her turn, terrified.
Sometimes, abortion is necessary.
It is always - in my opinion - tragic.
Condemning, criticizing, judging - this doesn't change the fact that abortion is always going to happen..legally, illegally, herbally, secretly. Your politics and your opinions don't matter at all to that woman facing the need to terminate her pregnancy. She has enough going on inside her head and her heart, enough intimate discussions with her gods and her lover - putting the pressure of your judgment on her does absolutely no one any good.
I am exhausted by the fact that the politicians and the anti-abortionists don't understand this.
Abortion is not a political issue.
It is a health issue, and a spiritual issue, and neither of these things should be part of the political playground.
* I am not saying all men share this callousness. Please, prove me wrong - respond to this blog entry and tell me I'm wrong. I write from my experience, from what I have personally seen and heard. I would love to hear that it's not a universal truth.
