Writer's Block: Cyberstalking

[elionwyr]

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(Too funny to resist answering.)

I don't 'keep tabs' on anyone online.

I have, in the past. Most of the time, it's been focused at estranged family members rather than love interests, and...I think that to look for information about people that don't care to have you in their lives is ultimately hurtful towards Self and often led into some sad thoughts, so I rarely do so anymore.

I have online connections to several exes. It's not 'keeping tabs,' it's 'staying friends.'
I also have severed online connections with a few people that were once important to me. I'm pretty thorough about such things - emails get filtered to 'trash,' social networking site accounts get blocked, etc. My general thought is that if you are someone that is not in my life, I'd prefer to keep it that way. And just as I'd not invite you into my home, I'd prefer you stay out of my electronic life...and will reciprocate that 'favour.'

So - yeah. I think it's emotionally unhealthy to maintain a 'stalker' sort of contact with an ex-whatever.

Comments

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Looking at the other comments, I will observe (and disagree with some folks)that I don't think it's unhealthy to occasionally check in on someone who's now out of your life. Not necessarily healthy, either, though. It depends on how often, when, and why. Someone who is a known danger, for example -- good to know if/when they're likely to be in town/show up at your favorite club/attend your performance/court your best friend.

On the other hand, I don't want to know. If you feel a need to comment to their blog/friend them on Facebook/discuss their life with everyone you know, then it's probably a good idea to sit down with a good friend and discuss this, for a reality check.

Two tangentially related things:

1)someone added my LJ to their reading list recently, and commented in such a way that it sounds as if they knew me in the past. However, they've not identified themself ("Hey, I'm Ruthven; we knew each other from the Murgatroyd estate parties," or whatever), and they commented in an unpleasantly provocative style. I know it's not an ex-lover, but I don't recognize or remember them, and I'm annoyed/skeeved by the approach.

2) My Dubious Ex, every so often, tries a different approach to contact me. Occasionally I google for him, to see what communities he's hanging out in these days, because his approaches are annoying and designed to pressure me, and I'd rather be braced for them.

and on yet another hand

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Actually, I just reread it. "Keep tabs on," to me, is different than "wonder what happened to X and will look" -- it has connotations of a persistent monitoring, and that, I think, is less good.

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

Again, good and valid points.