elionwyr | Operation Freefall

"Ok, I want you to stretch your legs out; we're gonna land on our feet."

Hoo boy. All things considered? I think he should have chosen for us landing on our butts. However, I'd seen several really fabulous jumpers land on their feet, and in theory, the instructor actually lands first so considering how damn short I am, this plan sure did look good on paper. So despite my klutzy nature, I tried to do as he said...and I failed miserably.

"NO NO PULL UP YOUR LEGS - "

Fall down go *boom*.

I know for sure I screamed as my ankle twisted beneath me and my instructor landed on top of me. Grace and poise at all times, yes?

"Are you ok?" I gasped as he rolled off of me. He nodded; I don't recall him ever asking the same of me, and I really don't think he ever knew I'd been so ill.

Annnnd here comes the videographer! I hobbled to my feet and tried to channel my inner cat. No, no, that was all planned. Really. We're good.

"So what did you think?"

"I..think I'm not doing this again," I said wryly.

"Well, give us a good thumbs up!" Which we did.

And as the videographer walked away, my instructor started to criticize the jump - my leg position, mostly, but I believe he mentioned parapalegics yet again. I do believe he was trying to give me as much feedback as he could because he wanted me to do better...though the fact that he'd already made the comment of this not being for me makes me wonder. We stood out there with him talking about what I needed to improve for so long that the cheering section started to get antsy...but eventually we started back to the hanger, with him asking me to make sure the parachute wasn't dragging, me carrying the drag chute (which is released during freefall) and trying not to limp too much.

I shot Hugh a weak grin as I went into the hanger, and then escaped for a few minutes so the gang could take some photos and give me hugs.

And I embarrassed myself by crying as Hugh hugged me. "He was MEAN to me!" I quickly tried to hide my tears, they took some pics. I told them I'd been ill. Hugh looked at the front of me and said, "Oh..um..yeah, you can tell." "Those are grass stains,"

contrary74 replied, which tells us that yes, I did come skidding in on my belly.

(Note to self: belly flops during skydiving are not such a good idea.)

..And then the instructor came back to hustle me into the hanger to get the gear off of me so that nothing got lost or damaged. This hadn't been mentioned as a concern before, and we'd gone no further than around the corner of the hanger, but I did feel bad and I apologized.

There, he told me to get up on this training chair thingala - I can't find a picture, but it's sorta like a kneeling chair - sorta - except that you lie down on it on your stomach and it puts you into this position, because he wanted me to practice where my legs should have been and how it should feel. It was around this point, as I was walking back into the hanger, that

hughcasey realized I was, in fact, a hurting puppy, and he sorta took me by the elbow and said, "You probably should get that looked at by a doctor."

As I dubiously contemplated how I was supposed to get up on this dang not-a-chair,

hughcasey and

contrary74 called over to tell me

mewschangeling was coming down. I told my instructor that I really wanted to be there to see her, but he insisted I do this first, so I clambered up, managed to not hurt myself (yay team!) and earned his approval. He made it clear that was doing this so I'd be better prepared for my next jump, and I do appreciate that. I do. My desire is to jump again so I can get it right and have the experience that everyone else who's talked about jumping has had.

And oh, I am so so proud of

mewschangeling! She was such a rock star!!!

And..ya know, I didn't say anything to the staff at the drop zone about my experience because I needed some processing time. I am frustrated that I didn't do better.

contrary74 had to leave; but the rest of us went out for dinner at a rather yummy Italian restaurant

cypherindigo had told us about.

tickly_girl slipped me a Mickey of a pain killer, and we all went our separate ways. I can't even remember what time

mewschangeling pulled up in front of my house..2AM? Maybe? I went inside and found her a Freek to help fuel her ride home, and I gathered up Lurk and went the hell to bed.

I participated in Operation Freefall because I promised I would do this two years ago; because 'Song could not; because a man forced himself on me when I was 16 and that act stole my senior year of high school; because I spent 5 years thinking every single day I should be dead; because I've been struggling with some big personal demons of late; because there are a lot of people I love who have been sexually assaulted, and so I was jumping for them as well.

This was Operation Freefall. It wasn't a glorious personal victory, BUT I learned that I am a brave little squirrel, and I have some incredible friends...many of whom wanted to help make a difference in the lives of survivors of sexual assault...some of which who are willing to jump out of perfectly good airplanes with me!

Pretty amazing stuff.