elionwyr: (bang)

It's been nearly 4-1/2 years since I started the process of recovering from having a narcissist at the center of my life.  It's as difficult a process as dealing with any sort of abuse, and just as insidious, because people inherently don't want to believe how bad it is for the victim. We as people are an odd mix of beliefs.  We love gossip, and we are often distrusting, but we have a hard time believing someone's truly bad behavior.

It's why gaslighting is so damn easy.  It's why abuse happens.  We see it, and it might even register, but we go into instant denial. It couldn't happen to me.  It can't be that bad.  S/He wouldn't do that.

And then it does.

I just saw this on Facebook, posted on a group page called "Surviving the Narcissist Relationship," and damn I wish I'd seen it in 2009.  I can't say for sure it would have made anything easier - I'm not sure anything would have - but it would have given me a clue stick about what I was going through.  For example, the first time someone told me I was suffering from PTSD, I thought there was no way..no WAY that could be true.

It was.

It's gotten better, and it gets better all the time - which is not to say the gaslighting, lies, and cyberstalking ahs stopped, I'm just better able to handle it - but emotional abuse is something that should never be taken lightly, and a narcissist is a master manipulator as well as abuser.

So.  I am sharing this here. I hope no one reading this needs the information.  But if you do...I hope it helps.
How to Help Someone Involved With a Narcissist

Read more... )
elionwyr: (cephalopod)
* http://www.upworthy.com/bullies-called-him-pork-chop-he-took-that-pain-with-him-and-then-cooked-it-into?c=ufb1

..Bullying doesn't stop with childhood.
A lot of the crap described in this has been directed at me for years now by parties that really need to find a better hobby. And just like when you're a child and you're bullied? Ignoring it doesn't make it stop.

* http://i.imgur.com/hjGHtZz.jpg

...I had an "A-HA!" moment after reading this.

If you are not willing to stand up and say, "This is wrong," when confronted with something that's wrong..I'm not sure I can relate to you. At all. Because to varying degrees, I've been doing that my whole life.

Why aren't you?

* A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

..When someone wonders why something that shouldn't bother me does, or why it causes a strong reaction, I may just direct them at this story.

February 2017

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