elionwyr: (Default)
Him: You're adorable in the morning...but you look like a mental patient. Go take a shower.
elionwyr: (Default)
Alcohol Consumption -- FDA Warnings...
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead/knees.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

work humor

Apr. 10th, 2002 09:08 am
elionwyr: (monster)
There was a blurb in the local paper about Miss Cleo and lawsuits...part of the article included a sidebar of phone ettiquete/rules for psychic hotlines. I found it pretty funny, so I cut out the info and put some of it on my phone at work. Not, of course, that anyone will notice it but me, but...it makes me smile. >:)

PHONE RULES
* Do not try to extort any money from a client.
* Never put callers on hold for any reason.
* We do not talk to the dead, we let them
rest in peace.
* No discussion of death, doom, or disaster.
Never upset a caller.
* Do not pretend to know the future.
* There shall be no casting of spells on
this line or any magic potions.
* This line is NOT to be used for
promoting evil.

January 2013

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