elionwyr: (write hard)
[personal profile] elionwyr
What was love in his gaze is now madness.

He would make me my mother. And no one dares raise their voice in protest.

In the silence of my rooms, I pray to silent gods. Rescue me.

The only answer is the growing pile of royal gifts.

When there are no more tears to cry, when my voice is hoarse from pleading, when I realize no one is listening, I place my hand upon the door.

Passive asking causes no action.

I will answer my own prayer by the moving of my feet.
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Date: 2011-10-18 08:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n-maranda-coy.livejournal.com
A paraphrased statement spoken by too many for me to credit:

"The best fairy tales are those where the princess saves herself."

Well done.

Date: 2011-10-18 08:12 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
*released held breath*

Thank you for being the first to respond. *hug*

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Date: 2011-10-18 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] m-malcontent.livejournal.com
Nice entry. I like it, packs some punch for the length.

Date: 2011-10-18 08:43 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Oh hell, I didnt' mean to screen...gotta go fix that.

Thank you for the comment!

Date: 2011-10-18 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ysobelle.livejournal.com
Oh! Oh, I know what you've ben reading. I love this.

Date: 2011-10-18 11:36 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
I'm always happily surprised when you comment on something I've written..so thankee! :)

Date: 2011-10-19 01:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cacophonesque.livejournal.com
A daring opening move to use such an economy of words. And clever to reframe a fairy tale and have the heroine save herself.

Date: 2011-10-19 01:11 am (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
I was going to go a different route, admittedly, but if this is where we introduce people to our voices...this is how I write fiction.

Thanks much for the feedback. I appreciate it!

Date: 2011-10-19 03:24 am (UTC)
shadowwolf13: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shadowwolf13
Short but powerful. You know I love fairy tales and this is perfect.

Date: 2011-10-19 03:26 am (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you - I appreciate your words.

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From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-10-19 12:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] shadowwolf13 - Date: 2011-10-19 07:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Date: 2011-10-19 12:31 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
This is where I struggle. I have a really hard time fleshing things out. I tend to write stories as if I was writing poetry, and my poetry is always a scene, not a full tale.

Thank you for reading. :)
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Date: 2011-10-19 12:30 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
*blush* Thank you - both for the words and for taking the time to read. :)

Date: 2011-10-19 12:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] walkertxkitty.livejournal.com
Short, but it needs no more. I would consider this more on par with a fable than a fairy tale; it reminds me of Aesop. Nicely done!

Date: 2011-10-19 12:29 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
I think my fairy tales often flirt with fables. Thanks much for the feedback! I appreciate it. :)

Date: 2011-10-19 01:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wrensgirl.livejournal.com
"Passive asking causes no action."

Very thought provoking. Thank you.

Date: 2011-10-19 01:22 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
My sweetheart has introduced me to the idea of manifesting what you want. Which shouldn't be a new wuu wuu thing, but it clicked this time around, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot.

This incredibly short story touches on three stories, really. The one that's the strongest is a memory of being in a reall bad situation and spending a lot of time curled up in bed, desperately praying (read: begging the universe) for the situation to change.

It didn't. I had to get out of bed and go do something about it. And I'd even go so far as to say that the person that helped me get out of the situation was the answer to my prayer. But I had to go find her.

Practicing manifestation is more proactive and - IMO - achieves quicker responses. Even if that response isn't really what I wanted. *wry grin* Now to work on exact wording!

..And thank YOU for reading. :)

Date: 2011-10-19 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malruniel11.livejournal.com
Well done and powerfully written! What a way to leave the gate this season!

Date: 2011-10-19 08:30 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
*beam* Thank you!

Date: 2011-10-19 10:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrstotten.livejournal.com
short and sweet :) and the last line is amazing

Date: 2011-10-20 05:59 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you for reading and commenting!

Date: 2011-10-19 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blythe025.livejournal.com
Nice poetic progression. You tell a complete story in a compact space. Well done.

Date: 2011-10-20 06:00 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thankee! :)

Date: 2011-10-20 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wolfden.livejournal.com
Short and powerful.

I like this quite a lot.

Date: 2011-10-20 06:00 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thanks for saying so! :)

Date: 2011-10-20 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baxaphobia.livejournal.com
Sometimes the best ideas are in few words. Nicely done.

Date: 2011-10-20 07:17 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you! :)

Date: 2011-10-20 08:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whipchick.livejournal.com
Really enjoy your spare style, so evocative - I like it when the reader has to work, too.

Date: 2011-10-25 02:40 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Heh. I was in a writing group once where that was a constant argument with one of the members. She wanted me to tell her everything in the first paragraph or two...and that's not generally the way my fiction works.

Thank you for reading and commenting!

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From: [identity profile] whipchick.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-10-26 01:39 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2011-10-20 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noodledays.livejournal.com
you did a lot with very few words - nicely achieved. :)

Date: 2011-10-25 02:40 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2011-10-20 10:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kittyfaelis.livejournal.com
So much in so few words. Great job! I love it when short writing manages to create such depth and emotion.

Date: 2011-10-25 02:40 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thankee. :)

Date: 2011-10-25 02:41 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-10-21 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] myrna-bird.livejournal.com
I like the poetic feel. Nicely done.

Date: 2011-10-25 02:42 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
My poetic roots show in my non-fic a lot, too. It makes for some interesting discussions with editors who don't care about rhythm, they just want to make space for their ads. Heh.

Thank you. :)

Date: 2011-10-21 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] az-starshine.livejournal.com
Wow. This is amazing. Excellent job!

Date: 2011-10-25 02:42 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you. :)

Date: 2011-10-21 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] barrelofrain.livejournal.com
I like how sparse it is. :)

Date: 2011-10-25 02:42 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Heh! Biggest difference between my fiction and non-fic..the non-fic is always longer. Thank you for reading!

Date: 2011-10-23 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lawchicky.livejournal.com
Very poetic- well done.

Date: 2011-10-25 02:42 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you! :)

Date: 2011-10-23 04:40 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-10-25 02:42 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2011-10-23 10:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com
Wow. Great entry!

Date: 2011-10-25 02:43 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
I'm glad you liked it!

Date: 2011-10-23 02:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] qa.livejournal.com
Get out of there!

I really liked this.

Date: 2011-10-25 02:43 pm (UTC)
ext_4696: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elionwyr.livejournal.com
Zoom, baby!
Thank you. :)
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