May. 22nd, 2012

elionwyr: (Default)
I am becoming less frustrated by the repetition of lies-as-truth as applied to me personally.

Because of the way I was raised, the truth - and being able to prove it - means rather a lot. At times it means everything. I think it makes me unable to understand the why of a lie, the motivations behind negative spindoctoring, the insistence of saying 'our fake reality trumps what really happened.'

And then I realized, on the way to work today, that as much as I joke about my childhood being a bit like Harry Potter's - Harry and me, under the stairs, in an oubliette of a bedroom! - I can relate to him another way.

Replacing Dolores' face with three or four others? Goodness, does that help me put things into perspective.

Can't say the crap the Doloreses say doesn't still bother me a little. But really, it doesn't matter how many times they insist on their delusions being real. Scars fade. Truth doesn't.
elionwyr: (talking)
So today was World Goth Day - something only on my radar because of Second Life.

Today was also the day I went from having an office mostly to myself to moving into a suite and sharing with two other secretaries.

A person I support came into our office, after we'd mostly settled in, to ask me about something, and commented on my decor being warm and happy. "I love this!" She pointed at a glass sign on my desk that says live in peace and peace will live within you.

"I know..I totally screwed up World Goth Day."

"..World what?"

"Goth Day! I missed out completely! I'm not even wearing back nail polish."

She looked at my green dress. "You really did get this completely wrong. You're dressed wrong, your plants are alive, your office is all cheerful.."

"I KNOW! Wait, let me try again...Ohhhhhhhhh everything is glooooom and despair..."

She laughed and left.

My coworkers were very. very. quiet. I'm sure they were just stunned by my gothy sensibilities. |0/

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