Mar. 21st, 2012

elionwyr: (eat them)
I'm seeing folks using that word to (wrongly) describe other people.

Allow me to pull out my clue-bat.

Selfish does not equal narcissist.
Self-centered does not equal narcissist.
Self-focused does not equal narcissist.

Sometimes, it's perfectly ok/understandable/acceptable to have blinders on to the outside world because there's something overwhelming going on in one's personal life. For most of us, that's a temporary reality.

A narcissist never - and I do mean NEVER - stops being self-focused. Every little thing s/he does is done with the goal of self-advancement, to promote the person's feeling of self-worth. It's pathological.

What does this mean? It means a narcissist is not capable of being your friend.
You might not notice, because narcissists are also dazzingly charming mofos.

...Until you no longer have a use.

But your narcissist will be surrounded by people that are dazzled. They are sycophants; generally, they do not question or challenge what their narcissist tells them to believe. (Think 'cult leader' and you're not far off the mark.)

If you question, you are removed from the group.

You don't generally see a narcissist without a group around him or her - they feed the ego, they help create a fantasy world for the narcissist to exist within.

Don't see this sort of thing around the person you're calling a narcissist?
Then you're using the word incorrectly. Please stop.

Still not sure what the word means?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder is a decent place to start. In particular, refer to this handy checklist:

# Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
# May take advantage of others to reach his or her own goal
# Tends to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
# Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
# Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
# Easily becomes jealous
# Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
# Obsessed with oneself
# Mainly pursues selfish goals
# Trouble keeping healthy relationships
# Is easily hurt and rejected
# Sets unrealistic goals
# Wants "the best" of everything
# Appears as tough-minded or unemotional

If that fits the person in question?
Run - do not walk - away.

January 2013

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